Homoerotic Entries of the Third Kind

Chapter 17 : The Verdict

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 15:29:42 GMT

[Will Benedict's fate be with the fishes at the bottom of the sea? And just what is in that handbook of seduction that Wison the Bison gave Lumpy Lock?]

Sitting wide awake on a cold morning and being forced to stay awake is always uncomfortable. Factor in two angry people staring down at you, assuming that you are the scum of the earth, and a hysterical bitch continously crying in the fakest tones you have ever heard, and you would have Benedict’s very own personal hell. Mr and Mrs Ling were threatening him with bodily harm, jailtime, and occasionally, rape (“You will feel what my daughter went through!”). Choong Leeng (still dressed as Seamus, even when she was sleeping) was roused up by Mr Ling, threatening to throw both her-him and Benedict into a pit full of poisonous cobras.

Finally, when Joanne had calmed down (somewhat), Benedict managed to slip in a “TELL THEM THE TRUTH JOANNE!” yell between Mr Ling’s neverending rants.

“You filthy boy! Don’t you know that it’s very traumatising for rape victims to talk about the rape experience?” yelled Mrs Ling.
“I just want her to admit that she attacked me! I’m the one who should be screaming rape, not her!” replied Benedict, equally as heated.
“Hah! What kinda guy would cry rape! Are you going to tell me that my beautiful daughter is so pathetic and unwanted by men that she would resort to seducing the likes of you/” said Mr Ling scornfully.
“Then why would she be in my room? I mean, how do I FORCE your precious daughter into my bedroom and she’s wearing something so skimpy?” questioned Ben. Everyone could see that he had the makings of a lawyer, the type which charge $250 an hour for consultation.
“You noticed her skimpy attire!! And earlier you were proclaiming how you didn’t know what was going on!” Mrs Ling cried out in anguish.
“How can I not mention it when the two of you have been drilling that supposed ‘fact’ into my head the past 3 hours! God, you people are freaks. I’m just going to leave this house, there’s other places I can go to without having to withstand such baseless accusations. You won’t even LOOK at the fact that if I’m supposed to have raped her, this shit would have taken place in HER room. ME SNEAKING IN, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!” Benedict glared at a shocked Mrs Ling, who had her hand dramatically placed over her heart, a dumbfounded Mr Ling, a suddenly quiet Joanne Ling and a sleeping ~~Seamus~~ Choong Leeng.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll pack my bag and Seamus’s bag and leave you three idiots to discover the truth from your tarty daughter.”

Benedict started to turn around when Mr Ling casually backhanded Benedict, causing him to collapse back into his seat. “If you think I’ll let you fuck my daughter and leave, you’re wrong.” Benedict started to open his mouth, put up his fists, punch Mr Ling in his paunchy stomach… but his head was throbbing and his vision was blurring. Joanne ran to Benedict and helped him up and protectively shielded his body with hers.
“What are you doing Joanne! This guy raped you! Why are you protecting him?!” shouted Mrs Ling.
“I… I decided to tell the truth. I was afraid of telling the truth earlier… but when I heard that he wanted to leave… I just couldn’t bear it. I just can’t believe that Benedict would walk away so easily from what we had together!”
“What are you going on about Lui Lui? What happened? Come tell daddy, I won’t scold you… but I might get my guys to rustle this bastard up a bit for even daring to lay his hand on you!”
Joanne cleared her throat and began…

Well, as you know, Benedict is currently my boyfriend. Although we fell in love with each other at first sight, and began dating almost immediately … we have never slept with each other. Both of us hold true to our Christian roots and we almost made the vow to remain chaste til our wedding day. However, I know that Benedict lusted for me. I could tell from the longing in his eyes. I could tell from the way his hands would wander mindlessly to … you know… certain places when we were kissing. I could tell from the need in his kisses. I could just tell, you know! Of course I always stopped him , but dad, mom--- the flesh is weak! I have to admit that Benedict led me down the road of temptation! He is a good kisser, and you know, his English is so good… the things he says always makes me melt… he knows all the right words dad!

Anyway, I thought that spending some time together in Malacca would help build our relationship and also the presence of you, mom and dad, would force Benedict to behave himself. I mean, back in college he was always trying to get into my pants! And like I said… I was worried that I would give in. There are times that I would go to church to pray for the strength to stay true and innocent, but even in church Ben would try to feel me up! How was I to know that Ben would’ve been so daring as to… as to… *sob*

What happened was that I was sleeping in my room, when a man came in and whispered to me… “It’s me…” I knew that it was my Benedict, from his lean and sexy arms. He laid on top of me and said, “I can’t take it anymore Joanne. I must have you.” I melted. It was my moment of weakness! I allowed him! Oh, I’m so ashamed ma! I allowed him to take my virginity, thinking it would bring us even closer together… thinking that we would be together forever… and now he denies even doing a thing like that! But Benedict --- I will never regret it. How could I? We were so beautiful together. It was like everything they said that it would be … I saw fireworks, I felt like I could do anything… I felt strong and vulnerable at the same time… It all happened so quickly that I forgot to even ask Benedict to wear a condom!

After Benedict finished, he held me in his arms and I fell asleep for a while. When I woke up, I saw that he had already left the room. Maybe this should have alerted me as to his fidelity. Take the goods and leave me as trash. How could you Benedict… But I was a girl crazy in love… I crept to his room hoping to surprise him. I saw him lying there… being his usual sexy self… and I was overcome with lust. I wanted to reenact the magic we had just a few moments earlier. So I decided to wake him up the same way he woke me up. Next thing I know, he suddenly lashed out at me and told me that we will never be together because he hated me and that all he wanted all along was just sex. How could you Benedict? And then he hit me! I screamed, and that’s when you all came rushing in. I admit I lied --- I didn’t know how else to explain the situation, but to me Benedict might as well have raped me. He played me along like a fool just to have sex with me! But ma… pa… I still love him! I don’t want to lose him! Please don’t get the gangsters to beat him up!

All the while, Benedict was unable to speak as Joanne Ling was still lying on top of him.

Mr and Mrs Ling were taken aback with the sudden confession, and nobody said anything for the longest time. Their only daughter was in love with a supposedly abusive-cheating-sly bastard who appeared to be the exact type of person that they wanted to protect Joanne from. How could they not want to avenge Joanne’s lost virginity? It was a long time before Mr Ling spoke.

“I guess since Joanne has spoken, I will have to abide by her wishes. Boy, the only way you can repay my Joanne is by marrying her. Before you leave Malacca, I want the two of you to be engaged. And don’t you dare try to hit her, because I have my thugs around to beat you up if you so much as cause her to cry ever again.”

Benedict was unable to speak this time because he had passed out.

* * * * * * *

Goldie Cheng was ecstatic. Eurene and Igene were pissed at each other and they were fighting! In the Pub! Threats were being tossed around carelessly, so it wasn’t anything new. Eurene blamed Igene for “using” him to get to her boyfriend’s house, under the pretense of getting a cake for the launch. Igene said that she was only being sincere, and the audacity of Eurene trying to blame her was truly mind-blowing. Both of them complained to Seamus at the same time, expecting him to exact revenge on their behalf. Eurene tried to win Seamus’s favour by flexing his muscles seductively and sucking in his “6 in one” stomach. Igene presented her case to Seamus while leaning down so that Seamus got more than an eyeful of cleavage. Unbeknownst to both of them, Seamus was in a world of his own, thinking about the recent fiasco of inviting his twin sisters down to help Lumpy fall in love.

Following Wison’s handbook of seduction (which consisted of 5 lines - “Always say ‘Do what you like’”, “Always pay for the girl”, “Just nod, apologise and buy a gift if the girl says you’ve done something wrong” , “Act blur, girls will think it’s cute, and they won’t realize you’re as dumb as a doorknob and twice as dull” and “Smile!”), Lumpy got all his money drained out by the two princesses of Laksa. The twin sisters flirted with Lumpy endlessly to make him think that he had a chance, and every now and then demanded for material repayment. They also thanked Seamus for introducing such a huge “sui yu” to them. No wonder they were so eager to come down to KL! He knew those two sisters of his were out to make a quick buck.

The problem now laid in the fact that Lumpy was so broke that he had no where to go, but to stay at Benedict’s recently vacated room. How would Seamus get rid of Lumpy before Benedict came back? And what about all those moose hairs around? Benedict would have a fit. He couldn’t throw Lumpy out, since the main reason why Lumpy was in this state was because of him. And besides… he couldn’t bear to throw Lumpy out… he had his uses for him as well.

* * * * * * *

Chapter 16 : The Door At The End Of The Hallway

Tue, 18 May 2004 15:50:59 GMT

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[Author's Note:] This chapter is dedicated to silverkey and edywison - their birthdays both fall on the 19th of May. Of course, being the leech that I am, I am just packaging together something to send to them. Honest I am! Will inform both of you when I actually MAIL it though. Anyway, a new chapter, and HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, to the two "IDENTITIES". ^_^ [/END NOTE]

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The drive to Melaka was smooth sailing, although Choong Leeng felt that her entire head was matted with sweat, thanks to the weird orange wig. Ben had never felt more free and happy in his entire life. He would be spending his holidays with his girlfriend, who wouldn't be happy? His only fear was that Joycelyn was a poor soul who lived in a one-storey house (or apartment), but instead, Joanne's house was fit for a prince! It was a huge mansion, with immense gardens. The gardens were also a sight to behold - an orgy of colours.

In the house, Joanne showed them to their rooms. Ben thought that he would be sharing a room with Seamus (Choong Leeng), but each of them were given their own guest rooms. The guest rooms were decadently decorated, with drapings over four post beds with silk throw pillows and luxurious rugs. Seamus's room was further down the hallway, while Benjamin's room was situated near Joanne's parents and Joanne's own room. With a cheery "Hope you like it here!", she left the guys (well, guy and girl) to unpack.

"Can you believe this? Gawd, Joanne really is generous! I bet Seamus will regret this. Quick, take some pictures of me in this bathrobe!!" Benedict wrapped a thick Burberry's bathrobe over his clothes and posed seductively for Choong Leeng.
"Quit kidding around!" she chided, but she couldn't resist taking a picture anyway. "I wonder how Joanne's parents can afford all this."
"Well, she'll be introducing her parents to us over dinner. You can ask Uncle Ling and Aunty Ling when you see them."

The two of them unpacked, with Benedict pleading with Choong Leeng to wear boxers for the entire duration of their trip, instead of her underwear. "What if Joanne looks at the laundry?" he argued.

But aside from that, everything went as planned. They went out with Joanne to have lunch at a restaurant famous for their baba and nyonya food. Joanne even paid for the lunch, as she flirted lightly with Benedict and Seamus. It was all in good fun. No harm. Clara met up with them after their lunch, and they drove around Melaka, visiting the tourist hotspots, like the A Formosa and the Perigi Hang Tuah. They bought souveniers. They got their portraits done by an old man, who was more used to drawing caricatures of gwailos.

What surprised Benedict more than the fact that he was enjoying himself immensely was the fact that Clara and Joanne were being more than civil with each other. It must've been the Malaccan air or something, but they were joking, laughing, talking about mutual friends that they knew in Melaka (they kept going, "OMG, you know him too? Man, this town is small!"). At one point, Benedict could have sworn that the two girls even linked arms when they were walking. Well, he didn't mind. The holiday would even go more smoothly if the two girls got along this well. As he sipped on his fresh coconut juice, he wondered how Seamus and gang were getting along back in Moonway College...

* * * * *

Eurene Tonk and Igene Chee were sitting around with Loo Thingy and Seamus Lim, discussing the entire magazine launch, that was slowly falling apart. They managed to arrange cafeteria food, at an exorbitant price. No famous acts were willing to show up to perform for free, so the next best thing was to get the cables and sound system from the college multimedia department. Seamus, Eurene and Igene had thought up of a new idea, which was to get established companies to sponsor discount coupons to give out to the students. However, that idea fell flat.

"Piece-A-Hut was the rudest to us. They promised us that they would give us the discount coupons, but when we went to their head office, they denied any knowledge of the agreement. Luckily I was there, or Seamus would've punched the marketing manager's lights out," declared Igene proudly. Seamus looked confused... he thought that it was Igene who had called the marketing manager "a sack of shit" and it took both Eurene and him to restrain her.

Loo Thingy sighed after the reports on the magazine launch were finished. "Well, screw the discount coupons. What's most important is the magazine, and the publisher called to tell us that the magazine can indeed be launched on the given date. Thank God, after all the delays. All we need now is a great big cake for the ceremony. Is the cafeteria supplying us with the cake?"

"Course not," answered Igene, Eurene and Seamus at the same time.
"Well, how are we gonna get the cake? Let's just get it from Berry's... it's cheap and it's nearby."
"I say that since the launch is crap all ways - no offense, Seamus - then we must make sure the cake is the main attraction. You know the cake the Association of Internation Students had during the cultural night? Well, the icing is CLEAR, and all the teachers were raving about it. Let's get that cake."
"ALRIGHT! WHERE?" said Eurene, getting ready to dash to his car.
"I don't know where. Let's drive around and ask bakeries around Moonway," said Igene simply.

And so they began the search for the cake. Seamus was worried --- how long was this going to take? His sisters were arriving from Penang, and he wanted to pick them up from the train station. He would have to sneak them into Choong Leeng's hostel unit (Choong Leeng agreed to let Seamantha and Seamndra stay while she was in Malacca). Lumpy had been increasingly irritating, calling every other hour to demand to know whether the girls had already arrived. At the moment, Wison The Bison had gotten him a "How To Be Seductive" book for Lumpy to read. Of course, how Wison got the book was anyone's guess...

Seamus checked his reflection in the mirror and ran a comb through his hair before he got into the car with Eurene and Igene. Well, however bad his day was in Moonway, it sure would be better than Benedict having to withstand ol' Pastry Face. He grinned and shook his head when he imagined how much Benedict would be ranting once he got back from Malacca.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, Benedict, Choong Leeng and Joanne were having dinner with her parents at home. The food was rich and the platters that were being served before them seemed to be neverending. Mr and Mrs Ling were very pleased to meet Benedict and Choong Leeng, and made them feel very welcome. Mr Ling was a huge and burly guy with a beard and immense muscles. When Benedict asked him what he worked as, Mr Ling laughed loudly for a long time before replying, "I'm in the importing and exporting trade, boy! You get what I mean? *winkwink* And I make sure that my importing and exporting trade goes well without a hitch, you know what I mean, boy? *winkwink* I have a lot of followers... you know... those who call me 'Big Brother'... you know what I mean boy? *winkwink* I normally don't tell just anyone what I do, but since you're Joanne's.. (he holds up his pinky finger)... it's ok right!!!" He guffawed loudly.

Benedict wondered what the pinky finger meant.

Nevertheless, it had been a long and tiring day. He had no idea why Joanne could still be so hyper and chirpy despite driving for 2 hours and bringing them all around Malacca. AND eating such huge meals. Huge meals always made him feel sleepy. Like a bear going into hibernation, he slipped under the covers and was soon fast asleep.

That night, he dreamt a vivid dream.

He was walking down a long hallway, and he could see a doorway. Behind the doorway had to be bright light, because he could see the doorway framed by vibrant white light. He walked slowly and stiffly towards the door. And he opened the door.

It was locked.

He tried it again, and put his shoulder to the door. It still wouldn't budge. For some reason, he kept fighting with the door, and he didn't know why he wanted to go through, but he kept on trying. In the end, he walked back down the hallway, and started running towards the door. He slammed against the door, felt it gave way and the bright light flooded the room.

Then he was falling.

He looked down and found that the door did not lead to another room, but led straight out of a castle, and he was falling into an azure ocean beneath him. He didn't remember the loud splash, but he remembered the desperate feeling of drowning. He couldn't breathe! He tried to break the surface and fill his lungs with oxygen, but he couldn't. All around him, he felt the water enveloping him.... the restriction... lack of breath....

WAIT, wasn't this a dream? It became lucid to him now... it was a dream... wake up! Wake up, he told himself. Barely able to open his eyelids, he tried to open his mouth and breathe...

And he couldn't.

A heavy weight sat on his chest, and someone's face was on his... someone's mouth was pressing against his. Someone's long hair was around his face...

Even in his stupor, he remembered reading about succubuses, or sleep demons, who seduce one in their sleep while sitting on them. It had to be a succubus sitting on him right now! He rolled his head around, fighting the demon, and suddenly, mustering all of his strength and wiping away the last traces of sleep, he pushed the figure off him and ran to switch on the light. He didn't really expect to see anything, thinking that this was all a figment of his imagination, due to sex deprivation.

When he saw Joanne Ling sitting at the edge of his bed, he started screaming.

And when she saw him screaming, she started screaming too.

Of course, when Mr and Mrs Ling rushed in to see the problem, they were greeted with an astonishing sight. Benedict was shirtless and in his boxers, while their own daughter was sitting next to him in a skimpy negligee.

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!!?" bellowed Mr Ling.
Before Benedict could explain himself (well, he was still figuring out WHAT was happening), Joanne screamed out, "I tried to stop him pa! I tried to! But he was stronger than me!"
Benedict stared at Joanne, while Mr Ling advanced towards Benedict threateningly. "Joanne told us that you were her boyfriend (he holds up his pinky finger again)... how DARE you take advantage of our trust on you by .... by.... MOLESTING Joanne!!"

Joanne was sobbing uncontrollably, with her mom's arms wrapped around her. Benedict was truly speechless.

What happens to Benedict next week? What is Joanne up to? Will Lumpy become seductive enough for Seamantha and Seamdra? How will the cake-buying incident go? Tune in Next Time for More Sweetness From The Sugarcomb!

Chapter 15 : Seamus Has A Plan

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 07:21:28 GMT

[Secrets revealed, stingy parents, boyfriend stealers and a little crossdressing = what every teen needs to know to survive their college years, all in this chapter! Plus; fanfiction - good for body, mind and soul?]

Benedict was reviewing the entire day's happenings with Loo Thingy.

"So you're saying that Seamus's grandma knows some kinda witchcraft thingamajiggy... and she used to tempt little boys into trading their looks in for toys... and she does NOT use the "looks" for herself, but for Seamus, thus explaining why Seamus is such a heart throb?" he iterated slowly.

"Yes! Yes! That's absolutely what I'm saying!" said Loo Thingy happily. "And I called you here because it's only appropriate for you to hear everything from your own best friend's mouth."

"It's pretty far-fetched you know..." said Benedict thoughtfully. He looked at Seamus and Grandma Lim, who were huddled together in the corner of a room. Everyone seemed to be avoiding them now because they were afraid Grandma Lim would zap them into guinea pigs at any second.

"Finally, someone who agrees with me," interrupted Seamus angrily. "Just because Loo Thingy is our editor - everyone agrees with her. Well let me remind you people. SHE READS A TONNE OF FAN FICTION EACH DAY. THIS IS NOT FAN FICTION! THIS IS REAL LIFE!"

"What does me reading fan fiction have to do with anything?!" replied Loo Thingy. "And it's true. So reverse the damn spell, old woman, and let me have my huggable pet brother (now more pet than ever) back again."

"BENEDICT AGREES WITH ME! HE THINKS THIS IS ALL A PILE OF SHIT!"
"YOUR GRANDMOTHER CONFESSED!!!"
"YOU'RE ALL JEALOUS THAT I'M NATURALLY GOOD LOOKING! DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW IT!"

"Frankly, I agree with Thingy," said Benedict. "Your Grandma hates me, I don't know why. I reckon if she's a witch, that would explain the spate of bad luck that I've been going through. Sorry buddy."

Seamus sank to the floor. Even Benedict believed the story. Then what did he - Seamus Lim - actually have going for him? Most people knew him for his good looks, and now he knew that they weren't even God given, as he thought it was. He felt like a nobody. He wondered what he actually looked like if his grandmother did not steal Lumpy's looks.

"Grandma, is that true?" he looked at his grandmother sadly. "I think," she whispered. "It's time we have a little private chat."

Before anyone in The Pub could stop them, she and Seamus whisked out of the publication room, and disappeared into the horizon, and nobody managed to track them to eavesdrop.

* * * * *

"Grandma, where are we?" said Seamus. They were sitting on white leather seats, in a rather cramped room. His grandmother sat next to him, holding his hands.
"In my Mercedes Benz, of course. We're in the basement parking, I doubt your friends will be able to find my car. Sometimes, I can't even find my own car."
"Right. So. How are we going to return Lumpy's looks? And will returning his looks mean that I'll get uglier? Grandma, WHY did you even do this in the first place? Was I truly so hideous as a child?"

His grandmother cleared her throat, and began her story.

Seamus, I do pride myself on being very good with my spells. However, I CANNOT undo the spell. The spell remains until Lumpy is kissed by a princess that is in love with him. The reason why he degenerated even more into a moose was because he kissed a princess that was NOT in love with him. In other words, he cheated. Cheaters never prosper, I always said.
Grandma... now is NOT the time to teach me proverbs.
Right... hehe, so where was I? I can't UNDO my spell. Not only can I NOT undo it, even if I could, I wouldn't. It would totally go against my ethics as a witch. You don't go around cursing people, and then lifting the curses. My association would strip me of my title as Head of North White Witches. And I tell you, there are some bitches who are looking to take over my title...
Grandma, get with the story.
I thought my story was finished.
I want to know why you did such a thing in the first place. Am I really ugly?
Oh, that. Seamus... you know you're a hermaphrodite... right? I guess we did not really bring you for check-ups with the proper gender identity specialists, because once the doctor who delivered you announced that you were a boy (albeit, with a malformed penis), your father rather accepted that than to drag the issue on any longer. He always wanted a boy to take over his Laksa King business. The thing is, you were SUCH a beautiful baby boy... you grew up, you were precocious, you were so beautiful on the outside, we always shook our heads and wondered why God dealt you such a bad card as to make you a hermaphrodite
*insert tragic sob from Grandma Lim*
The worse was yet to come. Once you hit twelve, we realised something rather worrying. You weren't developing like how a normal boy was developing. That was when we realised that maybe... just maybe... the doctor made a mistake. Maybe you really were actually a girl (albeit, one with a tiny slit and an engorged clitoris), rather than a boy who had a malformed penis. Are you following me?
From what I'm gathering, I think that you're saying that... that you people stinged on giving me a proper check-up!
Like I said, your dad was intent on having a boy to take over the Laksa King business! You did look like a boy when you were younger, but it's just that when you were supposed to have hit puberty, you weren't growing like your normal male friends. Lack of testosterone probably. You had very slender arms, a WAIST (God forbid!) and you were developing what looked like hips. This was very worrying for us, of course. That's when I took things into my own hands. I took the looks of young boys not to make you look more handsome, but to make you look more... male. So the answer is --- no, you're not naturally ugly. It's just that you looked more feminine than your male friends...

Silence enveloped the mercedes benz. "So am I male or female now?"
"Lord knows. You should probably go for a proper check-up. But since we've raised you as a male so far, what are you going to do? Change sex right away? Anyway, you lust for girls, am I not right? So why not continue the facade of being male?"
Seamus had never faced such a horrible decision in his life. To continue being male, and never let anyone know his secret... or to become a female, and get what he had always desired secretly. Now he wouldn't need to graft himself a penis --- but a vagina! And he fancied himself pretty androgynous anyway... But to become female after being the man's man for nearly 20 years..!!

And all the while, Lumpy's predicament remained.

Then Seamus remembered something that would change Lumpy's life. He was so excited that he hurriedly made a phone call back to Penang.

* * * * * * *

After what seemed like ages, Seamus and Grandma Lim returned to the publication room, where everyone was still ~~bitching~~ discussing the entire issue excitedly.

"I've thought of a solution!" announced Seamus when he entered the publication room.
Everyone looked up at him expectedly.
"My sister --- in Penang. My father --- Laksa King... this makes my sister the Laksa Princess! If I can get her to fall in love with you... the spell will be lifted! And I don't mind you being my brother-in-law!" Seamus said all this breathlessly, as he had ran all the way back just to tell everyone the good news.
"And what if she doesn't fall in love with me?" said Lumpy suspiciously.
"She loves animals! Don't worry!"
"What if she still doesn't?"
"I have two other younger sisters!"
"Are they good looking?"
"Look at me! Whaddya think? They are gorgeous!"
"Then again, your grandmother didn't steal young children's looks for your younger sisters did she? How good looking can they be if they didn't get any extra help?" said Goldie bitchily.
Seamus couldn't threaten to beat her up like what he usually did to Lumpy, so he merely glowered at her.
"Trust me, it'll work. I told her to come down to Moonway during the holidays. You'll have about a week to charm my already animal-loving sisters. They are both aged 17 and 16 respectively. One is Seamantha and the other is Seamdra."
Lumpy was already sold on the idea and soon, he and Seamus were sitting together drawing up a list of the girls' likes and dislikes.

* * * * * * *

When Benedict managed to pull Seamus aside for a little man-to-man talk, he hurriedly asked him if he could go with him to Malacca. He briefly outlined the reasons.

"Joanne --- helping you? Doesn't sound like her, does it? She's more the type who would help herself," said Seamus.
"Well what choice do I have? Can you lend me RM500? No, right? So why not have a free trip with me to Malacca? FULLY SPONSORED... the most you need to bring would be RM100... maybe less, since you don't need to pay for a girlfriend's outings..." replied Benedict.
"Yeah, but you know Joanne... she'll still try to get something from us. I dunno Ben... this sounds too good to be true..."
"FINE, then don't come with me! Go help Lumpy seduce your sisters over the holiday! What do I care?!" Benedict turned and walked away before Seamus could say anything.

Inside his room, Benedict fumed. Well, what did he care anyway? It was Seamus's fault for not cashing in on a free holiday. He would call Choong Leeng along for the holiday. Yeah, that was it!

But he really wanted Seamus along. Cos Seamus could entertain Joanne, and it would make him feel as if he was repaying Joanne by leaving a handsome boy at her disposal.

Then he remembered --- didn't Joanne, Ar Lian and Ar Huey mistook Choong Leeng for Seamus once upon a time... ??

A sinister smile spread on his face.

* * * * * * *

Once Grandma Lim left for Penang (to get Seamantha and Seamdra, as well as to avoid the nasty glances she kept getting), the organisation for the Airco launch fell to shambles.

Performers were cancelling on Seamus --- in fact, they denied knowledge of even saying that they had confirmed their attendence.

The magazine printer ran the publication late, therefore the posters publicising the event had to be reprinted, as the launch was pushed back.

The cafeteria caterers claimed that they had a bigger gig on that night, and therefore, were unable to supply the amount of food Seamus wanted. They had to downsize the entire event.

Last of all, the RM1,000 windfall they got had to be repaid to the Student Services Department when they discovered a mysterious hole in the wall. They claimed that the Airco members were abusing facilities and damaging "college property". Everyone glared at Vivek Vagina, hoping he would own up and pay for the damages himself. But he didn't, so the cheque flew back to the advisors.

Now, more than ever, Seamus needed people to stay with him and work with him on the launch. But now (apparently) Benedict and Choong Leeng were going to Malacca. Vivek and Ken Ching wouldn't work together, or at all (emotionally distraught, apparently). Loo Thingy already had her hands full from the magazine printing issues to handle the launch. It was left to Eurene Tonk (horrors!) and Igene Chee (horrors times two!) to help Seamus.

Seamus had two weeks to complete the entire launch. One week would fly by (holidays, helping Lummpy), and when Benedict and Choong Leeng got back, they would hopefully be able to help him do a LOT of last minute work.

He hoped.

* * * * * * *

Joanne realised that if she played her cards carefully, she would have Benedict eating from the palm of her hand for the rest of his life.

There was a spring in her step now wherever she went.She could withstand Clara's taunts for the moment. For soon, it would be Joanne who would taunt her!

She merely had to keep her temper in check, and this was easy, as long as she kept the visions of Benedict grovelling on the floor beside her clearly in her mind.

Or a vision of Benedict peeling grapes for her as they lounged in a gondola down the Straits of Malacca.

Or a vision of Benedict dancing with her, the skirts of her ballgown swirling around her like a dervish.

Everything was planned to minute precision in her mind. She couldn't see a way that anything could go wrong.

And if anything did go wrong, there was always Seamus to target.

He was coming along too, wasn't he? Benedict had confirmed that it was so.

Clara Tan came up to Joanne.
"I heard you're housing my boyfriend during his trip to Malacca," she said frostily. "I would just like to thank you for your generosity."
Clara tried to sound magnanimous, as if the decision for Benedict to stay with Joanne was a decision reached by the both of them. She tried not to think about the huge argument that they both had had, in which she accused Benedict of actually enjoying Joanne's advances.

"It's no problem at all! Seriously, I don't like Benedict anymore, so don't misunderstand me!" Joanne gave her a wide-eye innocent look. Clara glared back at Joanne's protuding eyeballs.
"Because if you touch him..."
"Trust me, I won't touch him! I don't like him! Seriously, I only invited him so that he would bring Seamus along!"
"Really?" Clara looked relieved.
"Yes... I don't go after guys who have girlfriends already."
Clara smiled warmly back at Joanne. Maybe the two of them could be good friends after all.

Joanne returned Clara's smile. It was so easy tricking this dim-witted girl.

* * * * * * *

The next morning, Benedict was hurrying Choong Leeng while she was packing for the Malacca trip.

"I don't see why I should wear the orange wig 24/7. And why can't I bring along my sundress and miniskirts? I'm supposed to have fun in Malacca right? How do you expect me to seduce the Malaccan youth if I'm only wearing the shorts and cargo pants you keep packing for me?!"

"Oh, you'll be seducing the Malaccan youth all right. The FEMALE Malaccan youth," mumbled Benedict in response.

For every dress that she tried to sneak in, Benedict would throw it out, until he finally broke down and begged Choong Leeng to pretend to be Seamus for the entire week at Joanne's house. Choong Leeng was apalled, but after a lengthy argument, she finally conceded, but mostly because she kept insisting to Benedict that it wouldn't work.

They ran downstairs, where Joanne was waiting in the car for them. She would be driving them South to Malacca.

"Hey Seamus! Hey Benedict! Come on in! Boy, you guys took long enough."

"See, told you it would work!" hissed Benedict merrily, as he threw his luggage into the boot. In the car, he received an sms from Seamus telling him to have a safe trip. He felt considerably kinder towards Seamus ever since Choong Leeng had agreed to pretend to be Seamus, and this message from Seamus showed that he was feeling sorry, perhaps.

It was going to be a great holiday.

What happens in Malacca? Will Lumpy manage to seduce Seamantha and Seamdra? Can Igene and Eurene work well together? Find out next week!

Intermission - YOUR WU NAME

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 16:51:47 GMT

http://www.blazonry.com/scripting/wuname.php

I'm obsessed with this place, and so are the characters of sugarcomb! So, without further hesitations, here are the Wu-Names of all the characters (so far!)

Benedict Neo En Zheng : Fanatical Warrior
Seamus Lim Pay Shaun : Master Desperado
Chan Choong Leeng : Lucky Killer
Loo Thingy : Happy Knight
Goldie Cheng : Lucky Warrior
Dianne Brah : Insane Pupil
Edward Khoo : Friendly Conqueror
Pooyakasha : Master Wanderer
Joanne Ling : Unlucky Professional
Zohra : Amateur Dreamer
Clara Tan : Intellectual Bastard
Pee Yin : Friendly Pupil
Princess Kimchi : Friendly Observer
Wison The Bison : Erratic Samurai
Lumpy Lock : Phantom Watcher
Dunno How : Annoying Lover
Ababhi : Insane Observer
Lip Shine : Amazing Samurai
Igene Chee : Foolish Warrior
Eurene Tonk : Jolly Ninja
Vivek Vagina : Visual Pupil
Ong Ken Ching : Mighty Scholar
Alan Tam Hoi Loon : Arrogant Ambassador
Fat Cat : Unlucky Contender
Ar Huey : Amateur Desperado
Ar Lian : Beloved Mastermind
Uncle Soon : Crazy Professional

Chapter 15 is in the works...

Chapter 14 : Grandma Pays A Visit

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 08:25:52 GMT

[Please do not let Sean read this, yeah?]

Benedict continued to mull over the predicament of coming up with at least RM500 for a 5 day holiday in Malacca with Clara Tan wherever he went. He thought about it in class when he was supposed to be balancing ledgers. He thought about it when he was supposed to be listening to Zohra's rendition of Me Against The Music. He thought about it when he was supposed to be planning the launch of the Airco magazine with Seamus.

"You are supposed to help me with the launch," he stated bluntly to Benedict, when he had forgotten about a public relations meeting.
"I'm sorry man." He meant it. "You know what's happening. Besides, you have Choong Leeng to help you. And you know I don't like hanging around the apartment ever since your grandma came down to visit."

It was true. Seamus's grandmother had driven down to Moonway in a huge Mercedes Benz to visit him. Benedict had no idea why Seamus asked his grandmother to "save money" by staying with him at the Moonway apartments when his grandmother could afford to stay at the presidential suite of the Palace of the Platinum Horses if she so wanted to. Whatever it was, Grandma Lim (as they all called her) was always around and somehow her presence was most disconcerting to Benedict. He always fell into a spate of bad luck whenever she was nearby. Maybe he was just too nervous around the stately woman, but he would misplace keys, drop his contact lens, accidentally use glue instead of hairgel, and so on.

Seamus, of course, wouldn't listen to a thing Benedict was saying. For him, Grandma Lim seemed to be bringing him a whole load of good luck. He was finding loose change wherever he went. Girls were finding him even more attractive than ever (if that was possible). He scored 100% for a biology pop quiz. And ever since Grandma Lim had come to visit, it seemed that everything for the launch was going superbly. There were celebrities calling Seamus up to beg him to let them perform for the launch. Airco suddenly realised that they had a leftover of RM1,000 in the budget which could be used for the launch. And so on.

"I don't see why you need my help anyway. You know I don't like going back to the apartment when your grandmother is around. And your event seems to be going really smoothly..." said Benedict.
"Ok... whatever..." Seamus walked away, a little hurt.

It wasn't just the fact that Benedict's constant insistence that Grandma Lim brought him bad luck that made Seamus angry. It was the fact that Benedict was always hanging around Clara Tan and never had any time for him anymore. Sure, he had other people to entertain him - the supply of girls were neverending. And the new spate of rumours that he was gay was coming round again. It had started when Ben had got together with Clara. People pondered how Ben managed to get such a hot chick whereas Seamus was still single. They didn't mean to disrespect Ben, but that's how the line of thoughts generally go. Of course, Seamus didn't tell anyone the truth.

It went further than the Girl Scouts.
It went further than Ricky at Setapak Curry House.
It was something he could never tell anyone.

You see, the simple fact was that Seamus was a hermaphrodite. Born with an abnormally small penis that one could almost mistake for a normal clitoris, he was ashamed. He overcompensated by being as macho and manly in other areas. Girls who dreamed of having sex with him simply couldn't imagine that he was physically incapable of performing such an act. That's why he had been doubly traumatized by the girl scouts almost-rape. He was more afraid of what they would find out than actually being sexually violated.

The only people who knew about his condition and accepted him wholeheartedly was his mother, father and grandmother. His father was initially quite upset, of course. When Seamus was born, his father had just opened his first laksa store in Penang. The doctors told him that he had a new baby daughter. Mr Lim planned to call her Seamantha Lim. Then they told him it was a baby boy. It was bantered around. It saddened Mr Lim to know that Seamus would never TRULY take over as the man of the house and to overtake his business as the Laksa King of Penang.

That's why Seamus's ambition was to be a plastic surgeon. He swore he would graft himself a 9 inch penis once he was qualified. But was a penis enough to keep him happy for the rest of his life? Was it a penis that he wanted ON him or a penis that he wanted IN him? Maybe the rumours were true! Then he would quickly admonish himself. Think of naked chicks! Think of naked chicks! At the age of 18, his hormones were raging, and his thoughts would turn alternately from Edward Khoo (what strength!) to Lumpy Lock (would kill for that thick hairy hide...).

However, having read numerous "Am I gay?" queries to dilemma columns, Seamus had come to the conclusion that he would merely have to wait and see. He hadn't had any controversial relationships (or any relationships for that matter), and he had other things to think about. Like the launch. He walked towards the publication room to rope in more volunteers for the launch.

* * * * *

Kimchi could've slapped Lumpy. If she could find him. She looked around for the quarter-moose boy, but he was no where to be seen. Instead, an even uglier boy was in front of her. "What the hell are you?!" she asked in a frightened voice, afraid to hear the answer.
"What do you mean 'what'? I'm Lumpy!"
"Lumpy?! You look... REALLY... unfortunate looking!"

And she was right. He looked even more moose-like than ever. The fur on his coat had grown longer and shaggier. His face had elongated even more. He found it difficult to stand on his two legs, and had to resort to walking on all four hoofs. "WHAT HAPPENED?"

"I don't know," replied Kimchi, who had quite forgotten about the kiss. "But Thingy would know. Let's head for the publication room."

* * * * *

"Benedict?"

Benedict looked up and was embarassed to see Joanne in front of him. He did have a conscience after all, and truth to be told, he didn't like doing what he did to her. But apologising to her would mean admitting that he DID ditch her, which until now, was an unspoken affair between them.

"Hey Joanne. Have a seat." He looked up briefly, and then continued pretending to do his law homework while thinking of how to gain money in a short while. Eurene did mention a job he had for Benedict, but the lecherous look he had on his face put Benedict off. He didn't want to know what Eurene had in mind. "Thanks." Joanne sat down opposite Benedict. She crossed her fingers AND toes. This had to work.

"Ben, I know that you and Clara are going for a trip to Malacca. I kind of overheard everything that happened between you and her. I'm sorry. I really did not mean to eavesdrop."
"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. It wasn't anything particularly embarassing.
"Well, you know I've always thought of you as a good friend, right? My idea is for you to stay over at my house in Malacca during the holidays. You can bring Seamus or any other male friend of yours if you're uncomfortable with the idea. My parents don't mind. And both of you will get the guest bedrooms which are really nice and spacious."
It was an unexpected windfall! And how nice of Joanne Ling! He gulped and his eyes bulged. "You're sure Joanne? You won't mind?"
"Of course not. What are friends for, right?"
"Hey, I'll get back to you about it ok? I mean, if there's another solution that doesn't involve bothering you and your parents..."
"My parents won't mind. Neither do I. You know that." She smiled.

Ben was ecstatic. It looked like he and Seamus would definitely be going to Malacca during the one week college break!

* * * * *

Pandemonium reigned in the publication room. At the back of the room, Vivek Vagina was drilling a hole in the wall that separated the Student Cuntcil room and The Pub. It was about 2 inches in diameter, and despite him trying to hide his drilling efforts, everyone saw what he was doing.

"Bastard is trying to cheat on poor Ken Ching again," said Dianne Brah. She was sorting through pictures of the Moonway Ball event for the article. 3 rolls of film and approximately ten dozen 4R pictures lay before her.
"I don't blame him," replied Goldie. "It's just that if I were him, I would cheat with someone much better looking. Hello? He's going for Hoi Loon." Goldie was sorting pictures too, and continuously moaned about the amount of money Edward Khoo sapped out of Airco with his trigger happy camera. Thingy didn't mind because of the unexpected RM1,000 windfall which covered all the expenses of the launch easily.
"What's the point of the hole anyway?" asked Choong Leeng. "If he wants to cheat on Ken Ching, he can just go over to the Cuntcil room. They installed the disco lights from the Moonway Ball recently, and it's got a romantic atmosphere there."
"Didn't you know?" said Goldie conspiratively. "That's how Hoi Loon and Vivek Vagina got caught in the first place."
"In the Cuntcil room?" asked Choong Leeng. She was a little distracted. She just found a picture of her with Ar Lian and Ar Huey rubbing up to her. She quickly swept the picture to the floor and kicked it under the table.
"Well, yeah. Ken Ching rigged spycams all over the place ever since there was even the slightest rumour that Vivek Vagina was seeing Hoi Loon behind his back. By the way, do what you want to that picture Choong Leeng, there's at least 3 other pictures of you here." Deandra waved the three other photos in the air.
"That must suck. I mean, I thought it was Ken Ching who left Vivek for Hoi Loon?" Choong Leeng easily snatched the remainding 3 photos from Deandra and was now scouting for the negatives.
"Admittedly, that IS weird. But what can I say? I think that Vivek was already cheating on Ken Ching with Hoi Loon then. Remember what Vivek said when Ken Ching said he was with Hoi Loon? Vivek said, 'He'll be back, Alan is too big for him anyway.' I mean, how did he know Alan was too big? Unless he got a test run with the goods before...?"
"Enough of your weird theories on Ken Ching, Vivek and Hoi Loon, Goldie," interrupted Thingy. "You can run your weird theories on what happened to my pet brother Lumpy now. (now more pet than ever)" She pointed to the unfortunate creature that had just clomped in with Kimchi.
"WAIT! But what's up with the hole that Vivek Vagina is drilling?!!?" yelled Choong Leeng.
"Just watch him."

With that, Choong Leeng tried to look nonchalant, and continued sorting photos while looking at Vivek from the corner of her eye. Soon, she found out what was going on. Vivek had taken down his pants and hissed something inaudible through the hole. He positioned himself near the hole, and soon the wall separating Airco and Cuntcil was shaking and loud thumps could be heard. After that, Vivek turned around and pressed his butt to the hole. In less than 3 minutes, Vivek was banging his fists against the floor and chewing on the carpeting to stop himself from screaming. Choong Leeng was most captivated. She was staring at him. It wasn't obscene, she couldn't see one bit of Vivek's dangly bits, and she suspected Ken Ching's spycams would only show a weird picture of Alan pressing himself against the wall. Ingenious!

* * * * *

Seamus, Thingy, Kimchi, Lumpy and (now) Goldie were sitting around Lumpy and trying to figure out what had happened. Lumpy had to shamefacedly tell everyone how he had tried to break the curse by getting Kimchi to kiss him.

"So it should work right? You said that your lips touched her lips?" asked Seamus.
"Yeah! I don't understand how I ended up like this! Unless..." Lumpy turned to look at Kimchi angrily. "You're a fraud!! You're not a real princess!! No wonder you didn't tell anyone about being a princess... you knew people would figure out one day or the other! You've ruined my life!"
"Don't be an ass Lumpy. Although, is a moose a relative of an ass? Kimchi is definitely a princess. I've visited her castle in Korea before. So has Wison, so your theory is so outta orbit." Goldie slapped Lumpy for even doubting her or Kimchi. It didn't really hurt because Lumpy's skin was now so thick that it hurt Goldie to slap him more than it hurt him.
"Besides, there was nothing else in the curse put on you that said that you would turn even more moose-like if you didn't kiss a real princess. You must've done something wrong... maybe the curse can detect that you tried to cheat or something... that's why it backfired!" Thingy announced her theory triumphantly. Sean nodded sagely at the theory while Lumpy shook his head.
"That's not fair! It wasn't part of the curse... I mean, that stupid wicked witch should have given me a warning or something. An 'Achtung! Do not try to ram the princess against your face!' or 'Beware! Will turn uglier if you play cheat' warning. Maybe the reason is because we kissed, but there wasn't any TONGUE. HEY KIMCHI, WANNA GIVE IT ANOTHER GO?!?!" yelled Lumpy. This time, it was Kimchi who gave him a kick in the snout with her spiked high heel.

While the lot of them were still talking about Lumpy's predicament, Grandma Lim came down to the publication room to look for her favourite grandchild - Seamus.

"Yooohooooo Seamus dear!" Grandma Lim stepped into the publication room, and was greeted with a shrill, "THERE SHE IS!! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE NORTH!!" Lumpy stood up clumsily and pointed a large hoof into Grandma Lim's face.

Time stood still for Seamus.

"Haha, that's very funny, Lumpy." Goldie looked nervously from Seamus's pale pallor to Lumpy's shaking figure. Grandma Lim looked cooly unconcerned about what had just happened. Kimchi was still confused, and Thingy sat with her eyes closed, deep in thought.

"Take that back! There's something wrong with you and Benedict... my grandmother is a nice woman... don't you dare talk smack about her. Otherwise I'll sink my face... I mean, my fist into your face!"
"Ask her! She gave me this curse!!"
"I did not give you the curse!" blurted out Grandma Lim. "You traded in your looks WILLINGLY for that box of Sailormoon hentai and Digger 3.0!"
"What? You're saying that you ARE the wicked witch of the north?" asked Seamus. "What do you need with the looks of young boys anyway Grandma? Whatever spell you're working on, it isn't working. You still look old, no offense!"
"I prefer to be known as the White Witch of the North... damn young kids love throwing mud on my name."

"BUT OF COURSE... this makes sense!" yelled Loo Thingy. "You took the looks of young boys... not for yourself... but to give them to Seamus! Is that not right? That's why Seamus is so bloody good looking!"

Is Loo Thingy's theory right? Will The (3/4) Moose and the ~~Wicked~~ White Witch Of The North have a showdown? What are Joanne's nefarious plans for Benedict Neo? Will Ken Ching ever find out about the hole in the wall? Find out next week, for sweetness from the sugarcomb!

Chapter 13 : Lurking in Hallways

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 07:09:51 GMT

[Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This is the hard lesson that Benedict and Lumpy Lock learn in this chapter.]

"I can explain everything," began Benedict.

Before he could go further, Clara was already storming up to him. Suddenly, she lunged forward and was hugging him and fussing over him. "Are you all right? Did that awful Edward hurt you?"

"Clara you should be fucking him..." started Edward.
"You're right! I should've been! But YOU ruined it all for me!" she declared dramatically. She was still fussing over him and gasping whenever she saw an enormous bruise on Benedict.
"I mean you should be fucking him up! He tried to cheat on you with my customers!"
"Customers?" said Clara and Benedict in unison.

"Three rules of Edward Khoo! ONE: Wrestling is good. TWO: Wrestling in bed is good. THREE: Getting paid for what you do is good. I did try professional wrestling for a while, but it didn't work out. So I decided - why not get paid for sex? It made sense since I was paying for sex in the beginning," explained Edward. He reached into his blazer and handed Clara a card. "I would've given this to you earlier, but you know, I only do single gals. I hate getting into fights with the boyfriends when they find out. They call me a whore."

Clara stared at Edward's card in disbelief. "You really are unbelievable Edward. Really unbelievable."

Edward grew angry and remembered that he had been about to do more violence to Benedict when he was so rudely interrupted. "So you think I'm a whore? So what do you think about a boyfriend who steals a whore's customer? Worse isn't it? You should be thanking me for teaching your beloved a good lesson!"

"Oh yeah, now I remember!"
"Clara, listen to me - I didn't do anything!"
"Shut up Benedict. As I said - I saw EVERYTHING. When you didn't come back from the toilet, I suspected that you got lost. Since it was late at night, and there weren't many people using the elevators, I checked and I saw one lift was left at the 6th floor. I reckoned it was most likely you. When I came up, I admit I was hideously angry when I saw you fooling around with those... SLUTS. Then I realised that despite your drunken state, you were actually FIGHTING them off. I was about to kick their asses when Edward here burst in and in his rush to the bedroom, slammed me into the wall. The rest --- you know what happened."

"You're too thin Clara! I didn't notice you!" wailed Edward.
"Yeah right! You were tearing open condom packets, that's why you didn't notice me. Now I'm gonna kick YOUR ass for ruining my night, and I'm gonna kick them sluts asses as well for touching my boyfriend's zipper before me. Hands OFF bitches!" Clara advanced towards the lot of them with a nasty look on her face. Despite her small stature, Benedict was sure that she could really cause some damage. Even he was a little afraid, and awed by all that was happening.

Yet Benedict stepped in and stopped her. It didn't matter if she whacked any of them to defend him. It didn't matter if she avenged him. What mattered was that she believed him, that she wanted him, and she cared for him. All he wanted to do now was to be with her.

* * * * * * *

The days after the Moonway Ball was boring in comparison. All the students could talk about was the Moonway Ball. Some people relived the experience second by second (that was the campus news writer). Others couldn't resist discussing what people dressed up as. The Student Cuntcil were counting their profits with gleeful looks on their faces. The Airco members were frazzled because deadlines loomed nearer. Generally, these were things that they would easily get over. Maybe in a week. But for others, the Ball had changed their personalities drastically.

Zohra was crowned Ms Moonway. Despite rumours that she had lipsynced to the song during the talent section of the performance, she was determined to proof that her detractors were wrong. This included singing whenever anyone was within earshot to show that her voice was *INDEED* melodious.

Edward Khoo was pleased that Clara and Benedict did not disclose his secrets to the entire Moonway College, so he treated them EXTRA nice. Anytime anyone called Clara a bitch, he would ram them into a wall. Anytime someone referred to Benedict as 'that gayfuck' or 'that bastard', he would pick them up and twirl them around in the air.

Ar Lian and Ar Huey went around with dreamy, satisfied looks on their faces.

Benedict and Clara became even closer and went around with dreamy (altho unsatisfied) looks on their faces.

And Joanne Ling finally realised what Benedict had done to her.

It started with Benedict not returning any of her sms-es (he figured - why bother? The pretense was over). She felt hurt, after all she *was* being kind and asking him if he had gotten better and if he needed her to come to his bedside and 'nurse' him back to health. After that, she could catch snatches of his conversation with others, usually about the Moonway Ball. She thought he would be saying stuff like, "Yeah, it was a pity that I couldn't make it and I had to disappoint Joanne. She would've been a great date - make any guy lucky." Instead, she was hearing stuff like "Wasn't the prom a blast? I had the time of my life?" and "I thought that Curtis Red Reviews played a better set than Dragon Blue."

Even an idiot like Joanne could put two and two together and figure that Benedict had lied to her and had indeed gone to the prom. What with Clara's constant insinuations about what a great time she had with such a good looking date and winning THE best-dressed girl around and HOW wonderful her night had been, Joanne couldn't help but feel the surge of envy and resentment inside her.

Did this mean that Joanne had finally decided that Benedict was not for her?
Did this mean that Joanne would write Benedict off as a heartless sod and that she would never have anything to do with him ever again?
Did this mean that she would find a new male to obsess over (for example: Seamus)?

No. You had to give her props for being such a resilient young woman.

If anything, what had happened gave Joanne a new drive to capture Benedict. If she didn't have him willingly, she would take him UNwillingly. No matter what, she would NOT give up her love. She would NOT lose out to the-younger-sister-of-Sarah-Tan.

Joanne tried to renew her old alliance-against-Sarah with Zohra and Pooyakasha, but they merely looked at her piously and said that THEY certainly had nothing against beautiful, talented Clara. Apparently after Zohra became Ms Moonway, she no longer viewed Clara as a threat. When she pursued the matter, Zohra merely sang shrilly into her ear.

Next, she tried to continue her old bitching-out-loud-whenever-Clara-was-near method with Ar Lian and Ar Huey. But somehow, after the magical threesome night with Edward Khor, they had a sweeter disposition. Everywhere she turned, her plans were foiled. Seems like nowadays, the only person you could depend on was yourself.

However, opportunities seem to arise when you least expect it to. And that was what happened with Joanne. She was rushing to the toilet one day, when just as she was about to turn a corner, she overheard furtive whispers. HONESTLY, she didn't MEAN to eavesdrop, she didn't MEAN to hear what was happening. But when she recognised Ben's voice... and then Clara's...

"Come on, I mean, we didn't get to do ANYTHING during the prom..." It was Clara's voice. It was sweet and cloying.
"But do I really have to go to Malacca? I mean... I'm kinda broke since the Moonway Ball. If you want, you could come over to my apartment," suggested Benedict. His tone was hopeful.
"What? With Pee Yin, Dunno How, Lip Shine, Seamus and Ababi nearby? Surely you're more romantic than that..." she mused. Joanne dared herself to look over the wall. She saw Benedict leaning casually against the wall, and Clara holding his hands (or was it Benedict holding her hands?) and leaning in to him. The skank!
"But why Malacca? Where will I stay? I really can't afford to overspend anymore. I'm dead broke for the next 2 years as it is already."
"Malacca cos it's my hometown. You know I have to go back during the college holiday. Anyway, we'll have fun... we'll do silly stuff like visiting historic places (Benedict snorts with laughter at this juncture) ... don't laugh! Haha... and I'll introduce you to my parents... and I think Sarah will be home for the holidays too! It'll be great... I promise..." She smiled up at him. Joanne never realised how slutty Clara could look.
"I know! Why don't I stay over at your house? I look gentlemanly right? Your parents would love me, I'm sure. And it'll be totally convenient and all that!" Benedict was so excited at this premise that his eyes were shining and he had a happy grin on his face. However, Clara's face fell again.
"Ben... that is DEFINITELY out of the question. I NEVER have guys over at my house even, and you want to spend 5 days with me at home? Don't even think about it. Anyway, we're late for class. If you love me, you'd spend your holidays in Malacca with me. Settle the money problems yourself. I can't believe you're even thinking of NOT going... I mean, helloo... I want to spend 5 nights with my boyfriend and I'm actually rejected?"
"Noo.. that's not what I meant... c'mon... Clara..." They walked away towards the class. With that, Joanne realised that she was late as well. However, as she walked to class, a plan was already forming in her mind...

* * * * * * *

Finally, Lumpy had come up with a suitable plan. As he had realised even before the Moonway Ball, all he had to do was make Princess Kimchi kiss him. He had started hiding behind walls whenever he saw Princess Kimchi appearing and jumping out with his lips puckered. So far he had managed to :
a. Slam Kim's head into his chest (he aimed wrongly, he was too tall)
b. Surprise Wison who was walking beside Kim, so that Wison pushed Lumpy away as a defense mechanism (Lumpy landed into the flower pot nearby)
c. Accidentally kissed another guy (Kimchi had stopped to talk to a friend, and another guy caught up). He had braced himself for a bashing, but instead, was a bit disconcerted when he smiled shyly at him.

Today was the last time that he would do it. He was sick of looking like a fool everytime he failed. He saw Kimchi appearing. Alone. He aimed. He ran. He slammed into her. He felt lips contacting with lips.
And then he felt it.

A shiver down his spine.

He looked down at his body. And soon he was screaming along with Kimchi's horrified shrieks at getting sexually harassed.

* * * * * * *

What happened to Lumpy Lock? What is Joanne's devious plan? Next week : A new storyline about Seamus Lim, Ong Ken Ching, Tam Hoi Loon and Vivek Vagina!

Chapter 12 : A Night Of Misfortunes

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 08:39:56 GMT

[Will Benedict really go down with a slosh of Vodka? Also, kinky readers have their 69 questions answered. *wink* And witness more hot threesome (foursome?) action! But, is all of it consensual?]

"I don't feel so well," whispered Benedict frantically to Clara. He had a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he didn't know why. Maybe the food at the Moonway Ball wasn't as clean as he thought it was.
Clara, who was drinking her umpteenth cocktail turned to him briefly and said, "Don't worry Ben... just lie down for a second. Or go ask Goldie for a glass of water."
"I think it was the first glass of water she gave me that caused this!"

Nevertheless, he stumbled and swayed all the way to the open bar. Most people didn't notice anything different about his walking, although they had to agree that it was sexier than usual. Goldie was no longer there, but talking animatedly in a corner with the Airco group. No one was manning the open bar, so Benedict stumbled among the bottles of delicious looking liquids. Water.... water... he mumbled to himself.

A bottle of oily looking clear liquid swirled temptingly in a bottle. This must be it he thought, unwisely. He unscrewed the bottlecap and took a mouthful before it hit him that water rarely came in glass bottles labelled 'Absolut'. The liquid burned down his throat, and then the room started to swim before him. He collapsed on the carpeted floor with a thud, eyes glazing over.

"What was that noise?" yelled Princess Kimchi, who was slowly sampling her Johnnie Walker.
"I think it was Ben..." replied Wison, who had finally deemed it to cold, and had slipped on a pair of shorts.
"Ben? BEN!!!!" A distraught Clara ran to the bar and slapped Benedict back to consciousness. "Erk... although I did imagine you on top of me at the end of our prom date, I didn't imagine you would be slapping me."
"He said something pervy - that means he's alright, right?" yelled Clara.
"Help him to the bathroom... once he's puked, he should be ok," answered Dianne.

Clara helped Benedict to his feet, and he made his way to the unit's bathroom. Unfortunately for him, Igene was already there puking her guts out.
"Mention to ANYONE that I can't handle my alcohol and I'll castrate you!"
Frightened, he decided to go to the bathroom in the lobby instead of tempting a future without any offspring. Clara wanted to accompany him, but Benedict insisted that he would be ok. He reckoned that it would be a huge turn off for Clara to see her date bent over the ceramic throne.

"Goodbye Ben!" yelled Thingy. "Lock the door after you leave, and take the keys with you."
Ben left hurriedly, pocketing the keys and making a dash for the toilet. Just before he left, Clara whispered to him, "Hurry back ok? We'll have our 'quiet time' together when you get back. I'll arrange everything."
Ben couldn't wait to clear everything from his stomach and then have fun with Clara all night long. He grinned wickedly. Hyperactivity was settling in to him.

Back in the room, Clara tried her best to clear out one bedroom for her and Benedict's personal use. It was bloody tough to haul semi-drunk people out, but seeing as there was a prom recap thing going on in the hall, it was easy to persuade the drunkards to join in the conversation outside. Once the room was clear, she cleaned the bed, and aired the sheets (and the room - some of those people really drank too much). Then, she busied herself freshening up. "You are going to make that boy very, very lucky," she told her reflection in the mirror. "Oh yes you are."

Outside, everyone was busy reminiscing about the Moonway Ball... Loo Thingy complained about bumping into Fat Cat, and having to take photos with him. She released a death warrant for Agent Wombat, who was supposed to sing If You're Not The One at the prom. Most importantly, he was the one who was supposed to protect Thingy from Fat Cat. However, her troubles seemed miniscule once she found out that Maria was being VIDEOTAPED by Fat Cat. Everyone drank to Maria's patience, and her amazing threshold for boredom. Goldie was dead pleased because she finally got her slow dance "for her final year". Not just one, but TWO dances, one with her porn supplier, and the other with Wison the Bison. Of course, dancing with a naked guy is tricky, but Wison's bison fur (hair? coat?) was shaggy enough to cover all private bits (to everyone's relief). They drank to that as well. Princess Kimchi confessed that she had been obsessed with a certain guy named Floppy. And she got to take some pictures with him. Everyone took a vodka shot as a tribute to Kimchi. Dianne Brah said that the band playing today was suitable for dancing, and that she got to chat up a few of guys from different bands playing today. For every guy that Dianne chatted up, they took a JD and coke. Soon, everyone was drunk or passed out, with the exception of Dianne. But then again, it was doubtful that Dianne could get drunk, even if she drank 3 bottles of Chivas by herself.

Downstairs, Benedict was keeled over, thanking God that the janitors did a good job of keeping the toiletbowls clean and sparkling. If the toiletbowl had had weird brown stuff around the edges, he would rather vomit over himself than to stick his head anywhere near it. After he was done (which took darn long, because he had to wash his face, do a simple facial - he really thanked his mom at times like these and to spray perfume everywhere - ESPECIALLY behind the knees), he stumbled out of the bathroom. Damn, I still don't feel that good the thought as he massaged throbbing temples and clutched at his empty stomach.

Once he reached the elevator, he sat down on the carpeted floor and stared at the numbered buttons at the side of the lift. He stared up and wondered what his room number was. He kept drawing blanks. Of course! I have my room key with me! How stupid can I get? he thought as he reached into his pants for the key. He held it up to him... 66 it was. He heaved himself up, and pressed the button labelled "6". It lighted up and he waited impatiently for the lift to reach its destination.

The key and the lock argued with each other, but just before Benedict yelled for his friends to open the door for him, he realised that the door wasn't locked at all. He was surprised, as he was definitely sure that he had locked it on the way out. Oh well, probably someone else had unlocked it, or maybe he was too drunk. It hurt his head to think about such minute details.

Before he had even taken a few steps, he heard a feminine voice coo out, "I've been waiting for you allllll night. You sure took your time coming here."
Ben didn't know that Clara could make her voice so high and childish. He quickly ran towards the bedroom (the door was open), kicking off his shoes and socks along the way. Once he entered the room however, he saw that it was definitely NOT Clara. And there was definitely SOMETHING wrong - what happened to all the other people? He didn't believe that all the inebriated fools would be able to find their way to the carpark to go home.

The girls lying supposedly seductively across the bedspreads was none other than Ar Lian and Ar Huey. Their eyes flew open when they saw him.
"You look different from the card we got," said Ar Lian suspiciously.
"Dummy, that's Benedict, our classmate," chastised Ar Huey. Turning towards Ben, she said, "I didn't know you were in the same business as Edward. Why couldn't he come?"
"I don't know where he is either. I just heard that he's working somewhere tonight. What happened to everyone in the room? Did they go back or something?"
"What you mean? Has always been the two of us... I guess the other hotel guests did go back... if you mean they checked out..." replied Ar Huey. Inside, she was thinking, Geez, and I booked Edward for a 3 hour session too... damn!
Benedict got slightly pissed. How could they all pack up and check out from the hotel room so fast? And Clara? It was cruel for her to give him high hopes and then leave him hanging. Suddenly, he felt very tired, and he sat on the bed and laid back. The two scantily clad girls looked at each other in puzzlement.

"So..." said Ar Lian, all business-like. "Are your rates the same as Edward? I mean, since you're a virgin, right?"
"How did you know I was a virgin? And what rates?" said Ben.
"Ben... it's obvious. I think everyone in class knows that." The two girls tittered endlessly. Once they had ceased laughing, Ar Lian turned serious again and said, "Yeah, so what are the going rates for virgins?"
Thinking that Ar Lian and Ar Huey meant the room rates, he said, "Well, I think rates should be the same as everyone, whether they are virgins or otherwise."
"That is sooooo selfish Benedict. I mean, it should be CHEAPER. But I guess we won't complain since you ARE cute. I bet Joanne would be SOooOooo jealous when she finds out. Did you know? She was so depressed tonight because you couldn't come, and then she got kicked out? Well, I hope you will be able to cum with me and Ar Huey."
"I will not even PRETEND to know what you're talking about. Go away... I'm obviously in the wrong room... I'll go down." Benedict stood up. Instantly Ar Lian and Ar Huey squealed with delight! "Oh sis, he's going down on us! Do you want to go first or shall I? How about you give him a blowjob while he does me?"
Before he knew it, Ar Huey was reaching out for his pants zipper while Ar Lian laid back, settling herself down among the pillows. "Let me go, you psychos!!!"

Just when Ar Huey had managed to undo his zipper, Edward Khoo burst into the room with a jolly, "Sorry I was late ladies, but man, it sure was hard trying to handle Pooyakasha. She had a bad day today, so it was difficult to put her mind somewhere else. But I got her to cum in the end, so I got my usual RM1,200 fee..." He stopped in his tracks when he saw Benedict standing there, his shirt untucked, his pants zip down.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he bellowed.
"Edward? I thought you were working elsewhere and you sent him as a replacement..." said Ar Lian.
"Is that the load of bull that he fed you? I would NEVER do such a thing. I would NEVER expect customers who have booked appointments with me to get lower quality service from other guys." Facing Benedict, a lightbulb went over Edward's head. "I know it all now. You saw my card the other day - when you were with Zohra. AND YOU COPIED ME. I'm gonna kick your ass now... and then I'm gonna drag you to Clara and tell her everything that has happened!"

With that announcement, Edward started throwing Benedict around, with Benedict protesting whenever he could catch his breath.
"I do NOT..." *winds up slamming against the wall*
*pics himself up* "WANT to steal your business!!" *gets whirled in the air*
"I didn't even KNOW.." *slammed onto the bed* "you were a..." *looks up in horror to see Edward launch himself into the air, headed towards him* "gigolo!!" *rolls away in time*

It was only when Ar Lian and Ar Huey insisted Edward get down to business instead of wasting time on Benedict did Edward stop picking him up and throwing him into all corners of the room. "One last thing... I'll have to tell Clara that you tried to steal my business. That you're cheating on her," said Edward virtuously.
"You needn't bother."

Edward and Benedict looked up simultaneously. Clara was standing there with tears in her eyes. "I saw and heard everything."

* * * * * *

What will Clara do to Benedict? Will Ar Lian and Ar Huey tell Joanne that Ben is in the Business? Things are taking a turn for the worse!

Chapter Eleven : You Misunderstand Me!

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 21:10:13 GMT

ioogleguys: [Hey, haven't seen you all in a long time, so this is dedicated to you pple. HAHAHAHAHAA. Enjoy - pics and all]

silverkey: [No introductions necessary. *cheeky grin*]

Benedict could hardly wait til it was nightfall. Well, until it was 8pm at least. That would be the time when he donned his tux, carried his immense silver machine gun and walk into the Moonway Resort Hotel ballroom, his arm linked with the most beautiful girl in Moonway College. He could hardly stop talking about it, and was surprised that Seamus wasn't the least bit bothered. Oh yeah, Seamus wasn't going to the Moonway Ball. Because Seamus didn't have a date! Hah! He grinned to himself as he made a mental checklist of the things he would need before the date. After class, he would pick up his tuxedo (freshly pressed) from the laundromat, a corsage for Clara, a box of mints...

"Benedict!!!"
Somehow, Joanne had managed to ambush Benedict. Darn, Clara didn't show up in class today, along with many of the girls. It was understandable. Most people were skipping classes because they needed time for last minute adjustments. Even Dianne Brah, Igene, Goldie and Thingy - regular faces at The Pub - were missing in action. Without Clara sitting next to Benedict, it was easier for Joanne to approach him.

Scared, Benedict greeted her back, as warmly as he could.
"Ben... I just can't wait for tonight!!! I can't wait til we have the slow dance together gether!" she squealed.
"Aha... I can't wait for tonight either," he said. Which was true.
"So, do you want me to pick you up from the apartment?" said Joanne.
"Nah, I'll probably meet you there."
"What time?"
"Erm... how about 9pm?" Benedict quickly calculated that he would meet Clara up at 8, go in and settle down and hope that the ballroom would be too crowded for Joanne to find him. If possible, he would call Joanne up later (when she was truly out of his sight) and say that he had the flu, THEREFORE giving his ticket to Choong Leeng. Perfect!
"Can't we meet up earlier? I want to take lots of photos outside the ballroom!" she whined.
"Nope. The tailor has some problems with my er... Roger Rabbit costume. It's essential that I have it perfected," he lied glibly.
"That's true. We have to have it perfect. By the way, can you blif the nerve of that Clara Tan? She told me that she was going to the ball with you? Can you blif how bodo she is?" she cackled happily.
Ben could only hope that Clara and Joanne would remain as bodo to what was going on as long as possible.

* * * * * *

By 7:30pm, the hall outside the ballroom was already teeming with people. A lot of people came in costume after all, and in an ironic twist, it were those which did NOT dress up that felt weird and out of place. Goldie thanked her lucky stars that she managed to find clothes to go as Jubilee from X-Men. As agreed upon, Kimchi came as Kim Possible, Dianne Brah as DeeDee from Dexter's Laboratory (complete with baby blue contact lens), Thingy as Shigure and Choong Leeng as Kyo from Fruits Basket, and so on. There was a lot of laughter and cameras were whirring at the activity.

Benedict arrived fashionably early, and blanched when he saw Clara. Dressed up in a fluffy tiger outfit. He didn't even know it was her, until she took off the goofy mask and was perspiring inside the ridiculous outfit. Their eyes met each others.

Benedict was stammering. "I... I can explain."
But Clara knew instantly what happened. And she smiled. "Don't you see Ben? This does show that we are made for each other!!"
"What do you mean? You're dressed as Hobbes and I'm dressed as Agent J!!"
"No! This is sooooo The gift of the magi!! Well, kind of! We didn't even think about ourselves, but we thought about each other. This is.. possibly, the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!!"
With that, she hugged Ben.
"Of course, I do feel pretty stupid in this tiger outfit. Gosh," she looked away shyly.
"No way! I think you look great! But heck, why did you dress up as Hobbes instead of Susie Derkins?" asked Ben. He was pinning trying to pin the corsage onto Clara.
"Well, I always thought that Calvin loved Hobbes more than Susie. Haha."
They smiled at each other, and walked hand in hand into the Moonway Resort Hotel Ballroom.

Meanwhile, Choong Leeng managed to find her table, among the other A-Level geek chicks from her course. Ar Lian and Ar Huey were stunned. Seamus DID show up at the prom after all! And they had absolutely NO idea that he actually watched anime! And an anime which was more known for the cute male characters than female characters. Not only that, he came as Kyo, the most angsty and good-looking character (in their humble opinions). Instantly, they became really shy and averted their eyes from Kyo (Choong Leeng, whom they thought was Seamus).

Choong Leeng was a bit put out by the cold welcome that she got at the table. Oh well. She smiled around the table at the girls, most of them were either averting their glances or staring at her with mouths agape.
"Hey gals. You all look really good today!" said Choong Leeng cheerily.
Instantly the table was abuzz with "Oh my gawd, he spoke to me!" and "He said I look good! No, he said I look good!" Choong Leeng was confused. Then it hit her - those girls must be obsessed with Fruits Basket, and they were merely obsesed with her character - Kyo. Well, she would indulge them just for today -and get into character.
Ar Lian timidly looked at Choong Leeng and said, "Hi. So... would you like more oren juice?"
How absolutely kind of Ar Lian! Usually she would force Choong Leeng to get things for her, but here she was offering to help her instead. Really, she couldn't have underestimated Ar Lian more!
"Why, sure! That's real sweet of you!" said Choong Leeng in as manly a voice as she could. Kyo would be proud.
Ar Lian was thrilled. After she poured the juice for her, she said in a small voice, "Erm, you really have nice shoulders. They're really broad and ... manly..."
Normally, Choong Leeng would have punched the person who dared to call her manly, but it was different tonight. Getting into character again, she suavely replied, "Why, yes of course. I do a lot of martial arts training at the mountains. I fought with bears underneath a waterfall... among other things."
Ar Lian gasped in admiration. It was common knowledge that Seamus did martial arts, but she had no idea that he was so advanced.
"You'll HAVE to dance with me tonight. You simply have to!" said Ar Lian breathlessly.
"Huh? Wouldn't you want to dance with another guy?" replied Choong Leeng.
"No! YOU have to dance with ME!" cut in Ar Huey, to Ar Lian's distaste.
"Well, we'll all dance together then!" said Choong Leeng simply.
"Ooh, in that case, we'll have to make a sandwich..." said Ar Lian happily.
"A sandwich? What's that?" asked Choong Leeng in confusion. Where was the food anyway? The talk of sandwiches had gotten her hungry.
"You'll find out!" they giggled, somewhat nastily.

The first two hours of the night passed by dreamily. There were some good live performances by some Malaysian bands, and the Moonway Pageant was good as well. Zohra gave a stunning performance as Belle from Beauty & The Beast. She was a shoo-in for a winner. Benedict and Clara had a great time talking, altho she was getting very self-concious about her attire. At the Airco table, plans were being made for the "big party" at the Moonway Resort Hotel. "Remember, the party is going on at room 99. Pass the message to any other Airco member. Goldie and Dianne brought their stash of alcohol, so it's free drinks for everyone!"

"Want to go to the Airco party after this?" asked Benedict hopefully.
"I don't know... I mean, I'm not an Airco member," replied Clara.
"Hey, if you're Ben's girl, you're most welcome!" said Thingy cheesily. "We make exceptions."
Clara looked at Ben, and she nodded happily.

Outside, Joanne was waiting angrily. 9pm was wayyyy too late to meet up. She couldn't believe that she had agreed so readily with Benedict. The minutes were ticking by, and she had already been waiting for 30 minutes. Inside the hall, she could hear people laughing jovially and the live band performing. She couldn't be bothered anymore, and stormed into the room. When she saw that there was already 9 people sitting at her table (and one empty seat for her), she was relieved. She thought that Benedict already went in. She rushed there, only to find no sign of a guy in a bunny costume.

"Where... where's Benedict?" she asked breathlessly.
"He didn't come!" said Ar Lian and Ar Huey together. "But he came instead!"
"Er, yeah, Benedict gave me his ticket," answered Choong Leeng. Everyone was getting too into character. Everyone had been referring to her as a "he". Oh well. The food was good anyhow.
"Where's Benedict?" said Joanne pointedly, pausing to admire Seamus.
"Why don't you call him?" answered Choong Leeng guiltily.
A call later, Joanne was traumatised to find that Benedict was bedridden with the flu. He was terribly sorry, and hoped he didn't mind giving his ticket to another person. Seeing as the other person was Seamus, Joanne almost forgave him. "Oh well, if I don't have a date, I hope Clara doesn't have a date either," she said, before she hung up.

Just then, the announcement for the best-dressed student came out. "CLARA TAN!"
Joanne almost died. What was Clara wearing that could possibly be better than Joanne's killer red gown which had a low cut bustier and high slit? Joanne was too angry to look at Clara ambling up to receive her prize. A few people were standing around taking pictures of Clara on the stage, among them Edward Khoo and Pooyakasha.

"Thank you for this prize! And thanks to everyone who voted for me!" said Clara. "But most of all, I would like to thank my date for being soooo understanding, and basically inspiring me to wear this outfit. Without him, I wouldn't even have the confidence to stand here among all you well-dressed lovelies! So, I'll like for him to join me here on stage... come on up darling!" Benedict was embarassed, but Clara looked so excited that he couldn't help but run up to join her.

Just then, Joanne looked up. And she saw red. She got up so quickly from her seat, that she spilled a glass of water on Choong Leeng. "Oh let me wipe you dry" said about 4 girls as they mobbed Choong Leeng with various tissues and handkerchiefs.

Joanne stormed towards the stage.

* * * * * *

"YOU SKANKY BITCH! HOW DARE YOU!!"
Benedict and Clara turned in unison, and they saw Joanne. She was screaming right at...

Pooyakasha.

Benedict's reaction was to turn tail and flee, but when he realised that neither he nor Clara was the target of the anger, he was almost tempted to stay and watch. Pooyakasha was Joanne's friend... what had caused the outburst?

It was obvious to him in seconds. Pooyakasha was wearing the same outfit as Joanne. Snickering, Benedict and Clara walked off the stage and past those two unnoticed.

"I TOLD you first that I was going to go as Jessica Rabbit? How dare you copy me? You unoriginal fuckface!" yelled Joanne.
"Er, excuse me Joanne, but I think that I'm entitled to wear whatever I fucking please. Stop making an embarassment of yourself."
"Now I know why I didn't win the best dressed prize. It's because I had a bloody fake wearing the exact same thing. You fucking bitch!"
"Hey, even if Clara didn't win, it would've been me, not you. Because you know why? Cos I've got the banging body to go with the outfit, not you. And that's why I decided to go as Jessica Rabbit as well. Cos Joanne - you - as Jessica Rabbit - will defile the entire cartoon for me." Pooyakasha looked dirtily at Joanne's body.
"What the hell are you talking about? Hey, look at my boobs la. They are so much better than your flatties," replied Joanne heatedly.
"CAN THE BOTH OF YOU FUCKING SIT DOWN? BOTH OF YOU ARE FLATTIES COMPARED TO ME!!!" yelled Igene Chee. She couldn't resist drama, and had to join in the fun.
And of course, it sparked off an even longer fight. It was ages before the Student Cuntcil managed to drag the three girls from the stage area and boot them out of the hotel. By then, it was time for the open floor session. Everybody was starting to fill up the dancefloor.

Benedict looked at Clara. "Shall we?" He bowed and extended a hand.
"Sure!"

"Shall we?" said Ar Lian and Ar Huey to Choong Leeng.
"Sure!"
On the dancefloor, they were dancing away to the random pop songs when Ar Lian asked Choong Leeng, "So you want to know what a sandwich is huh?"
"Well, I'm pretty curious."
"Let's show him, sister," said Ar Lian to Ar Huey.
Simultaneously, the both of them moved in closer to Choong Leeng and started to rub their bodies against either side of Choong Leeng. "See? You're in the middle of us, so you're like the meat in this sandwich," cooed Ar Lian seductively.
"You lesbians!! Stop this this instant!!" said Choong Leeng, majorly squicked out by the both of them.
"Hahaha, what do you mean lesbian? We are hot for you - which means we are so NOT lesbians."
"You are hot for me? Oh yuck, get away. I'm so not playing along with your fantasies for Kyo anymore."
"Kyo? What do you mean playing along?"
"What? You mean you didn't know that I was cosplaying as Kyo from Fruits Basket?" said Choong Leeng. Then why were they referring to her as a guy all night long?
"We know you're dressing up as Kyo. But we don't fantasise over Kyo... we fantasise about you, Seamus. Anyway, it's obvious. You ARE in love with that Chan Choong Leeng. That's why you don't want us, huh? What does Chan Choong Leeng have that we don't?" Ar Lian and Ar Huey were getting frantic. The whole night had gone splendidly before this.
"WHAT THE HELL? I'M CHAN CHOONG LEENG!!!! NOT SEAMUS!!!" With that Choong Leeng whipped out her wallet and her identification card.

The rest of the people at the dance floor heard a piercing scream, and then saw three shadows run haphazardly for the door.

* * * * * *

By 12:30am, the prom was pretty much over. It had been eventful for most of the students. Some were ready to head home, strip themselves of the heavy make-up and go to sleep for the next couple of years. Others, namely, the AIRCO members, were ready to party on all night long. They headed to the 9th floor and entered room 99. There, Goldie was happily mixing drinks (and sampling most of her works of art), while Dianne Brah was playing choice tunes on the CD player. "Starlight by Superman Lovers! Now we can dance on some more here!"

Clara had changed out of her tiger costume and had a short skirt, high heels and a low-cut top underneath. Benedict had taken off his blazer and tie. "Do you want to party on here? Or do you want me to book another room? You know... somewhere... quieter??" he hinted. Dunno How had passed him a condom and it had been giving him ideas for few hours.
"Nah, it's cool. This party is rockin'!" said Clara. "Let's have a couple of drinks here before we decide if want to move on somewhere quieter."
Benedict sighed, and went to the bar to get some drinks from Goldie.

"You're drinking, Ben?" said a surprised Goldie. "You sure? You get drunk on mineral water, remember?"
"Yeah, so ... er.. one vodka lime for Clara, and same for me, only put water in mine. No vodka. Heh."
Goldie mixed the drinks, but decided that a little vodka couldn't harm Ben, so she added some vodka into his mineral water anyway. It was so mild that he probably wouldn't have tasted it. From a corner of her eye, she saw Clara and Ben down the drinks quickly. She couldn't wait to see Ben drunk. Maybe he would do some funny stuff.

"Hey Goldie, have you seen Edward anywhere? I want to see the digital pictures he took of the prom from his camera!" asked Thingy.
"He said that he had to go work. Isn't that weird? What can he possibly work at at 12:30am?"
"What a bad liar. If he wants to stay in Airco, he should learn how to lie better. That is a really useful skill for all members," said Thingy wisely.

* * * * * *

Where did Edward Khoo go? Will Benedict get drunk? What happens to Pooyakasha, Igene and Joanne? Find out next week!

Chapter Ten : The 6 Day Countdown

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 07:46:09 GMT

[In the six days leading up to Moonway Ball, matters of the heart fight desperately for balance. Will fate win this hand, or will the efforts of Goldie; Matchmaker Extraordinaire!, Fat Cat, Bennykins, Edward the Gigolo, Dunno How, Uncle Soon and Tam Hoi Loon (?) make Lady Destiny bow at their feet? A one, a two, a...]

Six Days To Go
Fat Cat was a regular face at the pub nowadays, and the members of Airco were not sure whether he was welcomed or otherwise. He was a pretty rich kid, and he was pseudo-nice, but he was also FREAKING irritating. Thanks to his money, he was able to help the funds-a-dwindling club (mostly because Igene embezzled a lot of money for promotions, but never returned the receipts OR the cash). He drove, so he would be able to take Airco people who were sick of cafeteria food out for lunch. He owned a digital camera, so the claims from the photography department were at the lowest point for the entire year. He had connections, so he helped Airco cut through some red tape (with his shameless flattering of the student services department staff). Valuable helper - but valuable enough for the Airco members to ignore the fact that he was smelly, rude, irritating and too egoistic for his own good?

Fat Cat was smart enough to befriend Thingy first and foremost, and make himself inexpendable to her. This saddened most of the other tortured members, like Maria and Benedict, because they had enough of his boastfulness to last them a lifetime. The PR department was busy thinking of plans for the Airco launch (less than a month to go!) and Fat Cat was constantly sticking his nose into their plans and pouring cold water on them. Benedict kept saying that he would be able to get Sarah Tan to come to the event, what with the Clara connections and all. But Fat Cat kept saying that he knew Sarah Tan... hrmph! Benedict was intent on contacting Sarah Tan and shoving Fat Cat's word back up his ass. If only he had someone to bitch about all this to! Thingy wouldn't listen to him anymore, Seamus was too stressed about other things, and Choong Leeng would answer to his rants with the typical, "What? Got meh? I didn't realise oso!!"

Anyway, he had other things to think about other than defenestrating Fat Cat. Anyway, as irritating as Fat Cat had been the previous month, he had been getting less cocky lately. He wondered why. Maybe if he had asked Goldie Cheng, he would have found the answer...

Goldie, Matchmaker Extraordinaire had been approached by Fat Cat to set up a match between Thingy and Fat Cat! Goldie, using extreme self-control to hold back her laughter and to yell, "IN YOUR DREAMS, LOSER!!" decided that it would be pretty funny to see Fat Cat and Thingy dancing together during the Moonway Ball. Therefore, she started praising Fat Cat to the high heavens in the publication room, causing Benedict and Maria to feel that Goldie was going insane.

Even though seeing Thingy and Fat Cat dancing would've been a sweet reward, the main reason that she was helping Fat Cat was because of Lumpy Lock. If Fat Cat gave Thingy a prom ticket for his table, then Thingy could give her Airco lucky draw ticket to Lumpy (her so-called brother). Lumpy in a tuxedo on a prom night might just win over Princess Kimchi. It was alll good.

Benedict's problem too, lay in matters of the heart. He had no idea which cartoon character Clara was going to be dressed up as. It was almost obscene to dismiss someone just because they could not telephatically tell you what they were dressing up as. In the end, he decided to get Zohra and Pooyakasha to ask Clara, and then inform him of her plans. After Zohra was given the green light to be Miss A-Levels (Clara refused to join, so it was given to Zohra by default), she had become friendlier towards Clara, much to Joanne's dismay. Zohra agreed to help Benedict, although she was a bit confused. Didn't Joanne just tell Zohra that Ben was going to be dressed as Roger Rabbit? Why would he care what Clara dressed up as?

Clara too, was getting cold feet. She did so want Benedict, but she liked all these "it was fated for us to be together - see, we even dressed alike!" rubbish. She refused to lose out to some Ah Lian like Joanne Ling! It also pissed her off to hear Joanne's incessant, loud proclaimations of being Benedict's prom date. Being too tired to argue with her, Clara decided that the best thing to do would be just to ignore Joanne and let her humiliate herself further on prom night. However... it would be humiliating for Clara to show up mismatched with Benedict... she was tempted to call off the "fate" thing. But that would show she didn't have enough faith that they were meant to be together! In the end, she decided to get Pee Yin to help her surreptiously ask Benedict who he would be dressing up as, and then she would accomodate to Ben. Yes, it was a brilliant plan!

* * * * * * *

Five Days To Go...

Goldie, Thingy and Fat Cat were at the prom rehearsals, having sneaked in and having to brave the snarkiness of the Student Cuntcil. Pretending to be writing an article about the prom preparations, Thingy sat herself down on the comfiest sofa in the ballroom, while Goldie used Fat Cat's digital camera to take photos... for her blog. Fat Cat was nervously pacing around Goldie and getting an arm or leg into the photos, all the while going, "She's sitting there alone! Go help me ask her to go to the prom with me!"

With a disgusted expression, Goldie glared at him (she hated his digital camera anyway - slow shutter speed) and said, "Be a man! She's alone, therefore it's the perfect time for you to approach her!"
Like a jellyfish, Goldie watched as he wobbled over to Thingy's side... she hoped for the best...

Back in the publication room, Benedict was listening to Zohra's report for the day.
"Bennykins, I have heard from a reliable source that Clara is mad for Men In Black. She'll probably be dressing up as the Woman in Black... you know... real 'office woman' kind of look. Suits Clara," she smiled winningly at Benedict.
"Wow! Can you imagine? This is the perfect solution for you. You still wear a black suit, and mebbe you could accesorise with some toy gun or something. I can't think of a happier ending for you," said Choong Leeng, who was standing nearby, trying on an orange wig for her costume.
"Wow, that IS perfect! How nice of Clara! She probably knew that I hated the theme, and by dressing this way, I still look normal! Hey, just for her I'm gonna carry a freaking huge silver toy gun! BTW, Choong Leeng, don't bother with the wig... your hair looks pretty orange enough," cried Benedict happily.
"Er, Bennykins... why are you dressing up as a Man In Black? Shouldn't you be dressing up as Roger Rabbit? I mean, that's what Joanne has been telling me..." Zohra was starting to suspect that something fishy was up.

Thankfully, at that moment, Edward Khoo bounced up and handed Zohra a namecard. Benedict couldn't really see what the card said, he saw a picture of Edward in a tuxedo looking lecherously on one side, with lots of tiny words sprawled over. Zohra was looking over the card and giggling. "Are you sure about the guarantee?" she asked slyly.
"Of course... and mind you, don't be passing my card around. I have VERY selective clientele... only the good looking, good looking," he winked lewdly at her.
"Oh, no wonder Choong Leeng didn't get one," laughed Zohra, with a vicious grin.
Undoubtedly, Benedicts' curiousity was piqued. Once Edward had sauntered out of the publication room, he leaned over and plucked the card out of Zohra's fingers. "What the hell is this?" He read out, "Edward Khoo, wanna know who? I'm a gigolo, just so you know. Wanna have fun? Come grab a bun..."

Before he could read finish, Edward Khoo came crashing in and with a yell of anguish, ripped the card out of Benedict's fingers, picked Ben up and threw him onto a pile of old magazines (to be recycled). "I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE IT TO A GUY. I DON'T DO GUYS!" he yelled at Zohra, before stomping off. What was that all about?

About two floors above them, Clara was hearing her daily report from Pee Yin. He had an irritating air of superiority, having found out the comic of Ben's dreams.
"Well hurry up and tell me already!"
"I'm totally confident... absolutely sure... without a doubt... that his favourite comic strip is Calvin & Hobbes! Think about it... it's so obvious. Both Calvin and Benedict's vocabulary are of genius proportions. And Benedict DOES have a pretty wild imagination sometimes. And the biggest similarity between Benedict and Calvin is definitely their spiky hair." Pee Yin nodded with a wise air.
"What? Geez, who am I going to dress up as then? Susie Derkins or Hobbes?!?!?!"

Lumpy Lock had been praying for the past two days that Goldie's plan would work. Somehow, he had a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach that said that things were not going to be successful.

And a sick feeling at the pit of her stomach was the exact feeling that Thingy had as well. Trying her best not to retch in front of Fat Cat, she accidentally screamed, "Of course I will NOT!" a little too loudly. Before she knew it, Goldie was being dragged out of the ballroom by Thingy whispering, "We have to go now! Now, I mean it! By the way, tell Fat Cat to find his own transportation back to college!"

* * * * * * *

Four Days To Go...

Dianne Brah was swirling the material for her outfit in front of Princess Kimchi, Wison and Goldie.
"AHHHH, it's super cute!" squealed Goldie, "Dee Dee from Dexter's Laboratary! Funny! Where did you ever get the socks? BTW, what are you going as Kimchi? Some princess from some Korean cartoon? Should make dressing up pretty easy! Heh."
"Noooo, I'm going as Kim Possible! We share the same name after all."
"Oh darn... looks like I'm the only one who hasn't thought of something to go as. Well, it shouldn't matter right? It's not like they will bar me from entering if I don't follow the theme," she mused. "Anyway, I don't want to dress up in something too ridiculous... I mean, I want cute nerds to ask me for a dance! I can't get cute nerds to ask me for a dance if I go as... say, Master Roshi from Dragonball."
Wison just nodded sagely. He had decided to strip naked and go as a bison from The Lion King.

From a corner, Lumpy could only make moony eyes at Kimchi. Throughout his whole life, he had been waiting for this one moment - to meet a beautiful princess. And now there she was - sitting less than 2 feet away from him, and he couldn't even get her to look at him. He couldn't even attempt to seduce her to fall for him since Goldie's Fat Cat plan had fell apart. It had great repercussions for the rest of Airco though, because now Thingy was busy thinking of ways to bar Fat Cat from entering the room, and therefore, to spare her from what Fat Cat thought was his suave way of persuading her to go to the prom.

As he thought about his bleak future ahead as a moose, Lumpy could hear the fairy's words echoing to him... get a princess to fall in love with you... a beautiful princess.... How would the fairy know whether the princess was in love with him or not? Typical of fairy tales, true love was symbolised by a kiss. Hey, that was it! Maybe he could just plant a huge smacker on Kimchi, and trick the fairy into thinking that they were really in love! Lumpy started rubbing his hoofs together in glee, not believing his genius. He was so excited that he could've rushed at Kimchi right there and then... but Wison, Dianne and Goldie were around... they would definitely make moose steak out of him. No, he had to ambush Kimchi!!

Choong Leeng was outside the biology lab waiting for Seamus to disentangle himself from the crowd of girls who were surrounding him. Ever since he had emerged from his so-called "shell", he tried to be more open by smiling at people more often. This of course, caused extreme reactions from the girls in class. Choong Leeng often heard exclamations like:

"Oh my God! Did you see that? Did. You. See. THAT? SEAMUS SMILED AT ME!! Oh my God... do you think this means that he likes me?"
"Look at Seamus... no, don't look now, he's looking over! GOSH HE WAVED AT ME. GIRLS!! Can you believe it? No, I am not in love with him... do you think he thinks that I'm in love with him? Oh no... now I'll have to explain to him that I don't love him!! *trots over to talk to Seamus*"
"Seamus actually offered to lend me his biology notes! The last time I asked him if I could lend his notes, he told me that he had lent his notes to Pee Yin! And Pee Yin doesn't take Bio!"

Choong Leeng smiled, proud of her friend. Suddenly, she found that she was no longer alone, but was standing next to Ar Lian and Ar Huey.
"Hey, you're Ben's classmate right?"
"Yeah... why you smiling at Seamus just now? You like him too? You betta not like him!"
"Er... I was lost in my thoughts. I wasn't smiling at him! Geez!!"
"You betta be sure..." said Ar Lian threateningly. Suddenly, her voice become syrupy, dripping with honey. "Anyway, you're good friends with Seamus right... why don't you ask him to come to the prom too?"
"He's not interested in these kinda things..."
"But... me and Ar Huey are willing to be his dates! Two for the price of one! Anyway, get Seamus to come la... we have an empty seat there. And Seamus can sit next to Ben Ben."
Choong Leeng was just about to say that Ben Ben definitely would NOT be there. Thankfully, Seamus was soon done, and she walked off with him. Behind, she could hear Ar Lian shouting, "Remember to convince him ok! We need more cute guys at our table! If you know anyone else who is handsome handsome one... bring them oso! We will kick out the geek chicks from our table to make space for them!!"

* * * * * * *

Three Days To Go...

"Did you hear about the Airco party that they're having at the Sunway Resort Hotel after the prom? We're getting a suite all to ourselves --- then it's gonna be ROOM SERVICE ALL THE WAY, BAYBEEE! It's going to be a blast!" said Igene.
"Wow... super! Who's sponsoring the party? Definitely not Fat Cat or the student services department, right? I don't think he likes us as much after Thingy issued that "no non-members allowed inside publication room" notice. I almost feel pity for him when I see him crouched outside the publication room," replied Raquelle Thong.
"ANYONE WHO FEELS PITY AND LETS HIM IN SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!" bellowed Thingy.

Benedict was feeling pleased as punch. He already had a black and white suit, and he managed to borrow a silver toy gun from Ong Ken Ching, a noisy guy in Airco. Why Ken Ching even had a gigantic silver toy gun was beyond Benedict. But who cared about details, as long as he had a superb outfit. There were four days more to go, but the prom might as well have been the next day. The girls, especially, were experiencing mass hysteria, worrying about missing props and slow tailoring. All he could think about was his date the previous day with Clara.

"So you still won't tell me who you're dressing up as, Clara? Well, I hope I'll be MAN (in black!) enough to SUIT you on the day itself," he said.
"Oh, don't you worry too much over the theme. It's just supposed to bring out our inner CHILD I suppose. Our SIX YEAR OLD INNER CHILD," she retorted.
They both had no idea what the other was talking about.

Thingy had changed the job titles for Agent Wombat (second identity: Dunno How), Agent invisig()th (second identity: Ababi) and Agent Chipm0nk (second identity: Lip Shine). Prior to this, their main functions were to dig out all the love scams in Moonway College, but ever since Fat Cat had confessed his feelings to her, she asked two of them to tail Fat Cat. Should he even come within a 100 meter radius of her, they were to inform her immediately, so that she could go into hiding. She felt so Sad(dam).

Two of them tail Fat Cat - what about the third? Well, Thingy liked having good looking people around (I mean, check out the members of Airco, oh yeah!), so she asked Agent Wombat to stay by her side as a bodyguard. Hence, he ended up in Airco more frequently. That's when he saw the Airco sexcretary - Natalie. He was besotted. He found a passport photo of Natalie's in someone's pigeonhole, and he slipped it into his wallet, right next to an unopened condom packet, which had been there since he hit puberty.

"Did you see Dunno How in here again? He was walking around with this stupid grin plastered on his face after rifling (yet again!) through my pigeonhole," complained Goldie.
"What do you keep in your pigeonhole?" said Igene. "Anyway, I'm sure he's coming in to see me. You know me and Dunno How clicked together like *this* (snaps fingers) right? We're buddies la."
Goldie went over to her pigeonhole, gathered up everything in it and threw it on the floor for Igene's perusal.
"I knew it," Igene finally announced. THIS was what Dunno How was looking at. OMG, I'm sooooo shy now! He obviously loves me!"
Igene held up a full-blown poster size photo of herself in a bikini that she had autographed.
"Hold the fuck up! I don't have that in my pigeonhole!" yelled Goldie.
"Oh, everyone has this poster. I got one for all the heads. I put them in everyone's pigeonhole."
Simultaneously, all the heads rushed to clear their pigeonholes.

* * * * * * *

Two Days To Go...

What most people did not realise was that despite the flurry of excitement due to the Moonway Ball, the magazine was being polished up by Thingy, Goldie, Edward and so on. There were arrangements to be made with the printer to allow them to slip in additional Moonway Ball reports after the initial dummy had been sent for printing. Eurene did try to "help" in his usual lofty manner, but he would give up after 10 minutes, claiming a horrible headache. Then he would be off.

The PR department still had to work on the launch. Seamus was beginning to enjoy his work more, and made elaborate plans so that they would have a truly huge bash to commemorate the launch of the best magazine Moonway College had ever seen. Choong Leeng was calling up Too Fab, a popular hip-hop duo to perform, and Benedict was wheedling Clara for contacts. She had given him Sarah's publicist's number, and the line was ALWAYS busy. Hey, maybe Clara would dress up like Sarah (they look pretty similar) and emcee for the event!

With such dedicated workers, Seamus could rest easy. He looked into the mirror, wet his hair down and sighed. Damn it's hard to be perfect.

Even busier than the Airco members were the Student Cuntcil members. The previous ball had been a disaster, so most people were apt to think that history would repeat itself. Uncle Soon, Tam Hoi Loon (Alan) and Ababi would frequently run into the publication room to avoid the rage of Ija Esmonde. It was when Alan came over that a revelation came about in Airco. It started when somehow, he managed to stop Vivek Vagina and Ken Ching from fighting.

"You gave Benedict the silver gun!! Don't you know how much the silver gun meant to me?! Remember the fun times we used to have together? We would roleplay - I was the sexy prostitute, and you were the law man against vices..." sobbed Vivek.
"I don't know you anymore! Please stop saying things like that! You ... you cheated on me with Igene Chee!"
"It was a lapse in judgement! A bad lapse in judgement! You always knew that I was bi... I can't help it if I decide for a little veg to go with the meat sometimes..." replied Vivek.
Ken Ching ignored him.
"And then you give away our most precious toy to Benedict... don't you have a heart anymore? Remember how you used to sodomise me with that thing?"
"I'm with Alan now, don't talk to me..."

"By the way, Vivek? I won't mention the sodomy-with-a-gun thing to Benedict," said Thingy.
"Yeah. Don't mind me. Me and Ken Ching have our fights, but we always end up together. Alan's too big for him anyway."

* * * * * * *

One To Go...

It was the little details that truly count. Benedict forgot all about buying flowers for his date, and whether he could bring Clara over to the Airco party in the hotel afterwards. Didn't it seem a bit sleazy to ask her up to a hotel room after the prom? Well, he would explain everything quickly and clearly to her. Then again, if she misunderstands him and agrees to something more... that couldn't be helped. Heh heh. He would beg his dad for his credit card number to get a separate room then.

The pressure of having lied to Joanne all this while was getting to him. But it would all be over soon. Sure, it was mean, blablabla. Save it for someone who cares. He had a hot date. He looked hot in his prom outfit. Everything was going to go smoothly.

He set the alarm clock for early the next day, and snuggled into his bed, smiling as he drifted into dreamland.

* * * * * * *

Next Week!: Finally, the prom comes around! What happens at the prom when Clara meets Benedict, all mis-matched? Will Joanne murder Clara or Benedict first? Look out for a major appearance of Choong Leeng! How does the after-prom party go? Stay tuned!

Chapter Nine : The Touch Of Her Hand

Fri, 02 Jan 2004 20:58:51 GMT

[Be still my heart! It's pre-prom soap opera! Benedict woos Clara, but will Joanne realize his deceptive plans? The prom theme confuses some, disgusts a few and thrills others. And will the princess lose out to Tetris? ]

Joanne was in the throes of ecstacy after receiving the call from Benedict. She could hardly believe her ears when Ben called her to tell her that he was going to the prom. Indeed, she had purchased two tickets for this very reason, but deep in her heart, she always thought that Ben would not go with her. There were times when he wouldn't even go out for lunch or supper with her, why would he change for the prom? What more, he had been giving her the cold shoulder ever since she had the little tiff with Clara. Well, it didn't matter now. She had one up on Clara now. This shows everyone that Joanne was really the hot chick of the arts class, not Clara. Thinking about this made her want to switch on Britney Spears's Touch of My Hand and... well, touch herself.

However, her blissful dream was only short-lived, before reality hit her like a sack of rocks. There was so much that she needed to do before the prom (one week away). A prom dress to buy! Facials to go for! An entire make-up set to match her prom dress! Matching shoes and accessories! A clubbing outfit for the after prom party! And for everything, Benedict had to match her outfits! She hurriedly packed her credit cards for an extensive shopping trip the next day.

Meanwhile, Benedict had called Clara up and was being mysteriously flirtatious. After a bit of teasing, he invited her out for a private luncheon the next day. Clara acted coolly, but truth to be told, she was pretty excited. After all, Benedict was one of the best looking guys in A-Levels, and THE best looking guy in her class. And when a good-looking guy called you up for a private lunch, it was either that he had something extremely devastating to report, or something extremely exciting. Based on their friendship, Clara was 99% sure that it was the latter.

Which was why she dressed up to the nines the next day. She wore a short, beaded dark blue denim skirt and a cowl neck luxe tank top. Even her usually un-vain self couldn't help admiring her reflection in the mirror in the toilet, when Joanne, Ar Lian and Ar Huey walked in. What the hell is she looking so smug for? thought Joanne. Loudly, Joanne began her rehearsed monologue with Ar Lian and Ar Huey.

"Like, oh my GAWD, I was, like, totally surprised when BENEDICT, yes BENEDICT NEO from our class suddenly invited me to the prom with him! I'm sure that we're going to be the best looking couple at the prom! We're going to go in a limousine, and he's going to give me a corsage, and we're going to dress in gold-colour themes... I just can't wait!!"

From the corner of her eye, Joanne saw that Clara's back stiffened considerably, and a look of disbelief crossed her face, before she smirked and said loudly, "Oh dear, Joanne forgot her medication again. She imagined that someone like Benedict would actually call her up. What a shame! And by the way, if you have something to tell me, you can say it to my face, instead of pretending to talk to Ar Lian and Ar Huey when they are doing their business!!"

Angrily, Joanne spun around to face Clara. "I did NOT hallucinate, you bitch! Don't think that just because you have skinnier legs than mine, it means that you're better! I've known Benedict longer than you have, and I guess he prefers his OLD friendships to some new found slut in class. And you want proof that Benedict asked me to the prom? Then read this!" Joanne shoved the sms that she received from Benedict in front of Clara's face. "Joanne. I am going to the prom." Seven words that said it all. Clara could hardly believe it. The sender's number matched Ben's handphone number. Numbly, she walked out of the toilet, and didn't even notice Joanne's look of triumph on her face.

* * * * * * *

Benedict didn't understand why Clara didn't sit next to him in class as usual. Well, at least that gave him the chance to sneak the prom ticket from Joanne without Clara noticing. Anyway, he would be meeting her for lunch... more to talk about there, then! Clara looked so pretty today, he would be so proud to have her at his arm at the Moonway Ball.

When lunchtime came, Benedict made a beeline for Clara, but as he was about to reach out and touch her hand, she coldly brushed him aside and headed for the door. Benedict was puzzled, but he was the type who confronted things head on, so he managed to catch up to her and asked her what was wrong.

"I do not like to associate myself with people who do not know who they ought to associate with," she said with a glint in her eye.
"No offense, but what the HELL do you mean?" Benedict was starting to get angry. He hated pacifying people, and what more, in front of other curious bystanders.
"I thought you were like me - that you chose your friends carefully, but now I realise that you're just like every other ah beng in Moonway, who can fall for a heavily painted face, flat chests stuffed into Wonderbras and fake accents!"
Benedict was confused.
"What are you talking about Clara? I never thought that you had a heavily painted face. Nor did I ever think you wore a Wonderbra. Do you? And you don't even have an accent! I'm confused!"
"Argh! I'm not talking about myself! I'm talking about Joanne! Joanne! The girl who you're going to the prom with!!"
"I'm going to the prom with Joanne?" He almost burst out laughing, and then he realised what must have happened. The big-mouth Joanne wouldn't be able to resist smirking at his beloved Clara. Well, he couldn't tell Clara the truth (which girl would like to find out that their man was conning another girl because he was broke?). Instead, he flashed Clara a charming smile and said, "You silly girl... I was planning on going to the prom with you!"

The Benedict Charming Smile (TM) worked. Clara forgot about everything else and could only squeal in delight when Benedict gave her Choong Leeng's prom ticket. Clara practically leapt into his arms for a hug. Now his only problem was to keep Clara and Joanne away from each other so that they did not find out his nefarious plot. Well, at least until Moonway Ball came around!

* * * * * * *

" 'Moonway Ball : Cartoon Heroes' - were the student council on weed when they decided on the theme?" said Goldie incredulously.
"Personally, I think it's rather cute. It's like cosplaying!" exclaimed Thingy.
Everyone else was less than happy.
"We have to dress up as bunny rabbits and cats or Spongebob Squarepants... I wonder if anyone would dress up as Cow from Cow & Chicken?" replied Edward Khoo.
"Don't be so ridiculous. Cartoons nowadays aren't your regular Tom & Jerry and Looney Tunes rubbish. Haven't you heard of anime? I am soooooo dressing up as Sohma Shigure from Fruits Basket. What about you lot?" asked Thingy.

The theme would be hard to work on. Benedict had sweatdrops running down his brow and turned to Choong Leeng for help. After all, she was a huge fan of anime. "Which anime character is super gorgeous, and generally just wears a tuxedo?" he asked.

"Er... the Tuxedo Mask guy from Sailormoon? How about dressing up as Kakashi from Naruto? You'll have Clara eating from your hands if you do that!" said Choong Leeng dreamily.
"I don't want to dye my hair grey and spike it up. Ergh, I guess I won't dress up... unless Clara makes me. What are you going as?"
"I'm going as Sohma Kyo from Fruits Basket."
"Isn't that a male character?"
"I have short hair..."
"..."

After the long and tiring day, and that horrible announcement of the Moonway Ball theme that year, Benedict was about to drag his sorry ass into bed when he got a text message... from Joanne. He opened his inbox and read a lengthy message, that basically described Joanne's outfit. She was going to come dressed as Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?. And she was pestering Benedict to come dressed as Roger Rabbit. He couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge her reply. Just as he deleted her message, he received another message... from Clara.

With eager hands, he opened the message, and found out that Clara was actually following the theme as well! What's worse was she had written, "I won't tell you who I'm going as, but if you're able to dress up as the correct 'partner' for my cartoon character, this would mean that we are really fated to be together." He would have to hire Choong Leeng and Seamus to find out Clara's prom outfit for the Moonway Ball.

* * * * * * *

It had been a disastrous day for Lumpy Lock.

His parents had barred him from going to the Moonway Ball, on the grounds that he had gone for the A-Levels Ball earlier this year. He had been determined to go to the Moonway Ball when Goldie sold him some information about Kimchi going there as well. He was desperate to go, but even if his parents had given him the green light, he wouldn't have been able to purchase a ticket. He was flat broke, after buying the latest version of Tetris.

After that, Goldie had "accidentally" announced to everyone in Airco his plans of going after Kimchi. Everyone delighted in teasing Lumpy and Kimchi, in the presence of Kimchi, causing Kimchi to get paranoid and avoid the Airco Publication Room fervently.

How do you pursue someone who not only would not go near you? Factor in his looks, and he knew that his pursuit for Kimchi would not amount to anything. What a pity, because thanks to Dianne Brah and Thingy, Kimchi had been getting along pretty well with him. He was almost able to ask her to pay for his prom ticket, when all this happened.

As he laid in his stable, he thought about his bleak future as a moose, and two teardrops rolled down from his eyes.

Is this really the end for Lumpy Lock? What does the group dress up as for Moonway Ball? Is there an impending bitch fight between Clara and Joanne? How does Benedict get himself off the hook? More next issue!

Chapter Eight : Revelations

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 10:32:06 GMT

[The secret past of Seamus Lim, Airco lucky draw and best laid plans explore the nature of true friendship.]

Seamus, Benedict and Choong Leeng very nearly did not make it for the Airco lucky draw. But they were glad that they did, and they were also glad that the reason why they nearly did not came about.

As usual, Ben and Seamus made Choong Leeng walk to their apartment to meet them before walking them to the publication room. Choong Leeng knew something was wrong that morning when the door to their apartment was already open. Their doorstep was littered with a box of cookies - she bent down and ate one. Chocolate chip. Not bad. Inside, she could hear the sounds of tragic sobs and wails of "She almost got me... she almost got me!!" As she turned into the living room, she saw Seamus sitting crouched on the floor, his head in his hands, sobbing violently. His whole body was trembling as if he was in ice water, and Benedict was sitting opposite him, trying to comfort him.

"Thank goodness you're here Choong Leeng... I don't know what to do with Seamus!"
"What happened?"
"Well, the doorbell rang this morning, and I thought it was you. Looking back, I knew it couldn't have been you - you're never early. Anyway, I asked Seamus to answer the door, as I was still spraying Aramis Life behind my knees. After a while, I heard a terrible commotion. I rushed to the door (my left knee remains un-odourised) and I saw Seamus bullying this poor little girl scout! I had to wrestle her away from his mad grip on her! He was yelling right into her face... something like You didn't think you could hold me with your ropes forever did you?!? After that, he's been snivelling ever since!"
"What's wrong with you Seamus? If you wanted free cookies you could've asked me... my mom is an excellent baker... you didn't have to bully a kid for them!"

Seamus lifted his head out from his hands, and it frightened Benedict and Choong Leeng to look at him. He had an expression of utter contempt. "Of course you can look at me and pretend you are better than me... when you do not know what I have been through. If either one of you --- had to go through what I did when I was 10... I'm sure that you'll be the same. But I'm better than both of you will ever be ... I would never wish for either of you to feel what I have felt. Just leave me alone... you do not understand!"
"Then tell us - TRY to make us understand!"
"You want the truth?"
"Please don't tell me you're going to be cliched enough to yell that A few good men line at us. YEAH we want the truth and YES we can handle the truth!"

There was nothing else for Seamus to do. He stood up and began his story.

You think I don't know what the people in college say about me?
Of course I do.
I hear their whispers. I hear their remarks. Things go around.
Everyone is saying that I'm a wannabe. That I pretend to be 'cool' and 'mysterious' to intrigue girls, and to make them fall for me. The jealous males spread rumours that I'm gay - two very extreme point of views! And neither could not be further from the truth! When I see a pretty girl, do you think I'm not interested? The fact of the matter is that I'm too afraid... afraid that all girls are like the girls I got to know back in Penang!

The fact of the matter is also that I do not know many girls --- I do not mean to discriminate. I went to boys schools all my life, from primary to secondary. As you notice, even in college, I do not hang out with girls. Sorry to say this, but Choong Leeng, I've always treated you as a brother - as a comrade - never as a sister.

Yes - back to my story. Although I have not known many girls, I was never afraid of them! Even when I was 10, I knew that I had super good looks that seemed to enthrall the opposite sex. I was bold, I was outgoing, I was adventurous. I was a man's man, and a lady killer. Everywhere I went, even girls older than me would stop and look at me, and whisper about how cute I was. Even at 10, I thought I was invincible... I had all my badges collected when I was in the boys scout when I was 10, and I was even made the scoutleader.

As a scoutleader, I was brash and reckless - and all the guys in my troop loved me for it. Of course, I knew that some guys who were older than me - the 12 year olds - were jealous. But I was just too goddamn popular.

It was the popularity that led to my downfall...

I still remember it like it was yesterday... it was November 28, and the scouts were having their annual camping trip in Sungai Pisang. However, it was new for me because I was going to be leading the troop this year, instead of the previous senior. Of course there would be a teacher in charge, but it was Old Mr Roberts, who really let me run the whole show. As always.

Once we got there, us boys were pissed to find out that our old campsite was situated really near the brownies' site. We were 10, we were anti-girls and all that ... so we waged war against the other girl brownies from a neighbouring girls school. I thought it was a load of laughs, but little did I know how cruel and evil girls would be.

That night, after a whole afternoon of games and taunting the womenfolk, I went off to take a whiz when I suddenly felt a lot of hands grabbing at my arms and legs. I was totally immobilised and taken by shock. Those bitches from the neighbouring camp were taking their revenge out on me, and they dragged me to a barren part of the forest, far from the campsite, where my screams couldn't be heard. Don't laugh at me Benedict - these girls were 12 years old - a good 2 years of growing ahead of me. And we all know how much more mature girls are at that age. They had me tied up pretty quick with these ropes... ropes were everywhere....

Sorry, I couldn't help myself... I must look weak to you two. Get a grip, Seamus... oh yes, where was I?

I was tied spreadeagled to four stakes on the ground... these girls really knew their knots - I'm sure they had the knot badge sewn on. Once they saw that I wasn't getting anywhere fast, they started spitting insults at me.

"Oh so this is the infamous Seamus that all the girls talk about... he ain't so high and mighty now is he?"
"Ayuh... he was pretty arrogant this morning, wasn't he girls? Talking about how weak we were and throwing rocks at our tents."
"He isn't THAT good looking anyway... look at him grimacing and wriggling... he looks like a grub in a cocoon!"
I knew that they were saying all this to humiliate me and to get me to start apologising, but I was big headed... I refused to bow down to these stupid girls. I swore and cussed and I threatened them to release me. "Otherwise I would get the seniors from my troop to really manhandle you bitches! LET ME GO NOW!!!"

All that they could do was throw their heads back and laugh. You don't know what a chill their laughter brought to me...
"Your seniors? Well, guess what? Your seniors are here right now..."
From the back of the bushes, stepped out 3 of the troop leaders - you don't need their names. In fact, I have forgotten them. I don't even remember how they look like. They came towards me, and for a second there, I was relieved. Then, one of them reached out and started pulling my pants down.

"What are you doing?!?! Untie these ropes...! What the heck is going on!!?!?"
Another senior reached out and unbuttoned my shirt. The other one stood towering over me and said, "Seamus... don't you know that it's never too good to be better than your elders? We have watched you flaunt your supposed genius qualities over us. How do you think it makes us feel to know that we're not better than a guy 2 years our junior? Now I will humiliate you... put you in your place. Harry here has always had a huge crush on you... but you never took any notice of him. He's going to make you cum in front of the girls here! I'll like to see how you can go around school with your holier than thou attitude, knowing that Harry can make you scream in ecstacy in the middle of the forest floor!"

I was pulling away at the ropes harder than ever... I was frantic. Harry had my pants down to my ankles, and he was kissing my knees... and slowly moving his way up to the top. Meanwhile, the other guy who had stripped me of my shirt turned to the other and said, "Can I have my turn after Harry's? I want to cut Seamus's thighs... and lick the blood from them."

I hate to imagine what would happen if Mr Roberts didn't show up. I am forever indebted to that man. At first I thought he was in on the orgy, but all those years of carrying his books to the office and taking over all scout duties for him paid off. He ensured that later, those fucked-up, gay ass seniors of mine were expelled from school. He even wrote a letter to the girl's school principal to detail what happened. And he sent me for counselling. He even promised to never let the details of what happened go any further. Sure, there were whispers of a near Seamus torture, but I think my popularity and good looks saved me, as nobody wanted to believe anything against me.

And that has been the way it was til today.

Benedict and Choong Leeng were silent. They never knew that something so horribly scarring could happen to Seamus. Choong Leeng was the first to speak up.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did, Seamus. But I think it's extremely STUPID of you to let what happened so many years ago dictate the way you think and act now. Sure, those girls from the school that tied you up were pretty FUCKED up, but that doesn't mean that all girls are like that! So all this time, you had your vision clouded up that girls are cruel because of what they did, but don't you think that your seniors are the one who are really the ones to be blamed? That they could think of doing such things to you just because you were more popular? And because of THEM... because of THEM, you are unable to acknowledge me - Choong Leeng - a young and sexy, intelligent babe - and instead, you think of me as a guy so you could withstand me. I absolutely RESENT that!"
"Yeah!" added Benedict. "It sucks that that happened to you - but I can't believe that you didn't think we were good enough pals to you for you to confide in us. Even if we can't make you feel better, at least we would know how to handle your feelings and emotions better. Now I feel like such a horrible friend because I have teased you mercilessly, without knowing what you had to go through."
"I... I didn't know that you two would accept me as a friend after knowing that," said Seamus misearably. "After that incident, I isolated myself from people, knowing that they could turn against me so easily if I surpassed them. I... I didn't want to be hurt anymore!"
"How could you think we would be so bastard-y!" exclaimed Benedict.
"I... can't help myself! I have to protect myself from getting into a similar situation! Mr Roberts can't be around me all the time!"
"You can depend on us to always be your friend, and to count on the fact that we will be accepting of you - in whatever situation you have been in!" added Choong Leeng.
Tears welled up in Seamus's eyes. "Thank you --- Benedict, you have been like a brother to me all this while. I should have trusted you more. And you..." he turned to Choong Leeng. "You are quite truly - the first female friend that I ever had."

* * * * *

"So when are you going to tell me who the princess you know is?"

Lumpy had been slaving over Goldie for the past 24 hours, trying desperately to find the identity of the princess who he would seduce to submission with his wit and care, in order to gain his looks again. Goldie had not been very helpful, saying things like, "Hmm... judging from the photo of you prior to the witch's spell, I don't see why you would want to revert back to looking like that. I think I would thank the witch for making you a moose, since it was a improvement from your face" and "I don't know if I should tell you who she is.. I mean, she doesn't want anyone to know her real identity... you know how royalty can be if you disobey their orders. I don't want to get beheaded..."

But Lumpy was persistent... spent the whole day following Goldie's orders and pandering to her demands. She was a big gossip at heart, so it wasn't long before she was telling them (Thingy, Lumpy, Dianne and Igene) who the girl was.

"It's Kimchi. You do know who Kimchi is, right?"
Aside from Dianne, the rest didn't know.
"Well, that's cos she only came in the pub a few times. Most of the time it's Wison, but in class, Wison, Kimchi and I are like the three musketeers. So she confided in us that she was actually a Korean princess studying here. She's also damn beautiful, but I think I shouldn't have raised Lumpy's hopes. She's never kissed a guy before - never had a boyfriend either. I doubt that she would fall in love with you when the legions of men after her (all good looking KOREAN men with thick eyebrows!) have failed. Forgive me for giving you this spark of hope, Lumpy. Get used to your moose face, I suppose," said Goldie.
"Don't you dare, little brother of mine!" yelled Thingy. "This is your once in a lifetime chance... if you do not pursue Kimchi, you're still as stupid as your 13-year-old self who traded in his looks for Digger!"

Lumpy's eyes brimmed with tears. "Yes sister... I will gambatte! I just hope that all of you here with me today will help me in my quest.... my quest to get Kimchi to fall in love with me! Wish me luck!!!"
"Absolutely!" cheered Thingy and Igene. Dianne and Goldie were silent --- could they really betray Kimchi by making her go for this moose of a boy when she could so obviously do better? Before Lumpy could protest at the lack of support from Dianne and Goldie, Benedict, Seamus and Choong Leeng burst through the door.

"Are we too early or too late for the meeting?"
"Too late. We already drew the lots. All the other Airco members have left the publication room," replied Thingy.
"Darn. So who are the people going for the Moonway Ball?" asked Benedict. He crossed his fingers and hoped for the best.
"Well, as I mentioned before, it will be me, Anubisha, Edward K and Dianne Brah. The other 6 lucky winners are Eurene Tonk (I swear, he must've rigged the damn thing), Raquelle Thong (head of campus news), Natalie Yeo (the sexcretary), Graze (fashion dept member), Choong Leeng ("That's me!" gasped CL) and Benedict Neo," announced Thingy.

"YES! This is sooo how we planned it to be!" declared Benedict while walking back to the apartments with Seamus and Choong Leeng. "Now you can give me your ticket and I can invite Clara to the prom with me!"
"Whoever said that I was going to give the ticket to you?" said a flabbergasted Choong Leeng. "This may be a pretty good idea... Joanne asked me to sit at her table, but I guess I can sit with the Airco people, and sneak over to Joanne's table occasionally."
"You mean Joanne invited you too? Joanne invited me as well. Geezus... she asked me to be her date!" replied Benedict.
"So basically Benedict wants Choong Leeng's ticket because he wants to sit with Clara at the Airco table... and Choong Leeng wants a ticket at Joanne's table because they are friends, a ticket that Joanne is willing to pay on behalf of Benedict... does anyone see the obvious solution to this whole situation?" Seamus sounded extremely exasperated.
"What's it?" said Choong Leeng and Benedict in unison.
"Well, Choong Leeng, you give your ticket to Benedict. Now he has a ticket to invite Clara. Then Benedict - you tell Joanne you're going to the prom with her -- and she'll give you a ticket. And you give this ticket to Choong Leeng. Now she has a ticket to sit at Joanne's table. Perfect!"

Benedict and Choong Leeng simultaneously weighed the pros and cons in their minds. Neurons listing out the advantages and disadvantages of Seamus's devious plan, working at superspeed. Benedict knew that he would be seriously wounding Joanne by doing this, but he HAD to go to the prom with Clara... and he was broke. What with all his CD buying sprees and the cost of living in KL. Plus, it would be revenge for all her dumb stalking. However, that meant he would have to keep up a pretense of niceness towards Joanne until Moonway Ball. And when she found out... she would be SO pissed at him that she would stop stalking him! It was a fool-proof plan!

As for Choong Leeng, she realised that Joanne would want to kill her when she found out that the person sitting next to her at the prom wasn't her supposed date, but her. However, she knew that Joanne would most likely pin the blame on Benedict, and not her. She could just use her special power - her blur queen look - and that would erase all blame against her. And she would much rather sit at Joanne's table, with all the other science stream girls than to sit next to Benedict at the Airco table. Helping Benedict this way would also mean that he owed her one - and he'll let her use his computer more often! It was a fool-proof plan!

Benedict and Choong Leeng shook hands on the deal, and that night, Benedict sms-ed Joanne to tell her that he was going to the prom after all.

"Really?!? Oh my God, you REALLY are going to the prom!?!?" asked Joanne.
"Yes, I will be there," he answered, which was the truth.
"I'm so happy! I'll pass you my ticket when I see you tomorrow!" Joanne replied.
"Sure. See you there."

Benedict was pleased. He managed to answer all her enthusiastic statements without lying. Of course he was going to the prom. Of course he would see her there. But he never confirmed that he would be going there with her, or sitting with her. The second person that he called was Clara...

Does Clara end up going to the prom with Benedict? Is it really a fool-proof plan? Will we see repercussions of Seamus's past in future episodes of Forbidden Blue Durian? I guess we'll just have to find out!

Chapter Seven : Things That Cannot Be Explained

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 22:28:20 GMT

[Oh my my... in this chapter we have everyone's favourite form of drama - good ol' fashioned catfights! Learn more about the Airco publishing world, the sacrifices they have to make, and the benefits to be ~~raped~~ reaped. Seamus likes Kenny G? Also, the sad sad story of Lumpy the Moose. ]

Zohra and Joanne Ling may have an agreement between them to destroy Clara's life in Moonway College, but they definitely did not know how to go about doing it. Zohra had amazing Spy Kids-like ideas that were definitely too complex to work (it involved major stalking, paying private investigators for "blots in Clara's past) and would've cost Joanne's family fortune to execute. Therefore, Joanne had told Zohra to leave things to her at the moment. She claimed that she had experience in making girls' lives "a living hell" back in Malacca, so Zohra and Pooya Kasha had stepped back gracefully. It was to Zohra's benefit anyway, as she didn't want to taint her image by being a (too obvious) bitch, especially not before the Moonway Ball.

The Moonway Ball was also another reason why Joanne was aggressively planning methods of sabotaging Clara. She couldn't risk Benedict asking Clara to the ball. She would quite simply die of jealousy.

After Joanne's sinister plans had begun forming, she set to work, with Ar Lian and Ar Huey. That morning, when Clara came into class in a pink floral sundress and heels, Joanne loudly exclaimed to Ar Lian,
"Oh my gawd, why did she wear my grandmother's curtains to class today?"
"Haha. Haha," simpered Ar Lian. "You are soooooo right Joanne. She's got absolutely NO sense of fashion."
"Ugh, we better not sit next to her today. I don't want people to think that I associate with people like that."
However, all they managed to do was throw Clara into a fit of giggles as she sat next to Benedict. Again. Clara even turned behind and said, "Hey, in that case, I guess you don't mind if I permanently sit in front from now on. I mean, I don't think I could fit in the same bench as you girls... looks like Joanne gained a few pounds lately."

Joanne was gaping like a goldfish, and it took Ar Lian and Ar Huey a good three hours to calm her down. After classes, Clara even came up to Joanne and said, "That LV bag of yours is a pretty good knock-off. Where did you get it? Petaling Street?" That riled Joanne up again. It was sooooo not a knock off! She was feeling a bit too violent, so she shoved Clara. Hard.

Clara lost her balance (she was another one who was a fan of stilettos), and came crashing... into Benedict.
"Oh my my!" exclaimed Benedict.
"Ahhh... I'm so sorry Ben! Did she hurt you?" said Joanne, rushing to Ben and trying to push Clara off Benedict.
"Here, let me help you to your feet," said Ben gentlemanly-like.
"Thanks... ouch... I think I sprained my ankle," whimpered Clara.
"She did NOT sprain her ankle! That bitch is faking it! I should know! I said the SAME thing in KLCC? Remember? I mean... look at her foot, it's not twisted in any manner whatsoever!" Joanne was fumbling as she tried to cover her slip up. However, it wouldn't have mattered. As usual, Benedict was only fussing over Clara, and was in a world of his own.
"What made you lose your balance like that?"
"Joanne pushed me just now. I just said that her bag was nice, and I asked her where she got it..." Clara had an evil glint in her eye when she said that.
"WHAT? Joanne?? How could you do that Joanne? You've been really mean towards Clara lately... whatever is wrong with you?" yelled Benedict.
"She did NOT just ask me where my bag was from..."
"The point is you shoved her! I never knew you had an anger management problem. Please - don't EVER call me or sms me again... I don't think I want to associate with you anymore!"

With that, Benedict held Clara by her arm and helped her walk away, leaving Joanne standing with her (supposedly) original LV bag, with eyes brimming with tears. Benedict would so not go to the ball with her now. She picked up her phone and started writing a message to Seamus.

* * * * *

Seamus had to tell the truth. It was eating him up from the inside, and he knew that Ben was being a concerned (and curious friend) by constantly poking the issue. He had to get it out... and he knew that he could trust both Ben and Choong Leeng, but he had doubts in his heart. He knew that Ben looked up to him for being a chick magnet, and if Ben ever found out what happened to him --- he would never be able to look him in the eye again. He picked up his phone, called Choong Leeng and Ben to ask if they could come over to his unit, but they told him that they that they were in the Airco publication room. At 1am in the morning? The student services department isn't even open! If they didn't want to come over to the unit to listen to my problems, then it's fine. They didn't have to come up with such a ridiculous excuse. Well, another day then. It wasn't meant to be. With that, Seamus switched on his favourite Kenny G CD and fell asleep to the soothing sounds of the saxaphone.

Meanwhile, Choong Leeng and Ben were not lying when they said that they were in the Airco room. They had bumped into Soo Ling, another member of the graphics department, and she had told them that the Airco members were running late, and to finish everything on the deadline, they were staying over in college to use the publication room facilities. Soo Ling told them that they could drop by for a visit if they were interested in seeing some of the seniors, so they did.

When they arrived there, they were shocked at the zombie-fied state of the seniors. Igene was asleep on the ping-pong table (Benedict was afraid for the table), Goldie was still at "her PC" and seemed to be boring holes into the monitor with unblinking eyes and Thingy was at her laptop - editing articles with a stony expression. Soo Ling was sprawled on the floor colouring a poster of some sort, so Choong Leeng and Ben decided to join her on the floor. It was safer there, then near the ping-pong table, Goldie or Thingy.

However, as the night wore on... something happened. Ben and Choong Leeng didn't know what it was, but it was truly unexpected. Thingy and Goldie were actually pretty talkative people, and they weren't as cold as they thought they were. In fact, Benedict even joked about her insane eye rolling and how much he scared her - and she didn't decapitate him! They joked and told stories about seniors that Ben admired - Ababi, Dunno How and Lip Shine. Now he even had fodder for blackmail! From that day onwards, Ben and Choong Leeng agreed that it would be cool if they visited the publication room as often as they could, since it wasn't that scary a place anymore.

"Anyway, you two have to come in here for the Airco lucky draw tomorrow... call Seamus along if you want," said Thingy.
"What's the Airco lucky draw?" asked Choong Leeng. Maybe now she could get more blonde highlights for her naturally golden locks.
"Well, you all know that the Moonway Ball is coming up real soon, right? Well, the administration staff wants us to cover the event, so they gave us 10 tickets. Yup, Airco members actually have a table all to ourselves! As an editor, I obviously get 1 ticket, and there'll be one ticket for Edward Khoo, the photographer, one for Dianne Brah, head of fashions and one for Anubisha, reporter for campus news. The other 6 tickets will be given out randomly to other Airco members. So come by tomorrow - who knows you might win the lucky draw," explained Thingy.
"Wow, the ticket is worth about RM60 isn't it? When is it going to be held anyway?" asked Benedict. He was pretty low of funds at the moment (he had bought about 10 new CDs recently, and when he lent them to Eurene, the CDs came back slightly slimy or sticky... and he had to buy replacement CDs for the spoiled CDs), and any form of free entertainment was greatly appreciated.
"Oh, it's somewhere during the first week of the holidays. I'm so going for the event, even if I don't get the lucky draw ticket. After all, it's my last year!" grinned Goldie. Oh yeah, I'm gonna get myself a slow dance, even if it means I'll have to take a guy by force! And if Benedict is going, maybe that cute nerd friend of his - Pee Yin, would go! Ahahahaahahahahahahhahahaa!!!!!!

Goldie had a mad, lusty look on her face after that statement... god knows what was going on in her mind. This pretty much terrified Choong Leeng and Ben, so they made their excuses and went back to their room. But they were both pretty excited about the ball, and Ben kept telling Choong Leeng, "Hey, if you win the ticket, and so do I, why don't you GIVE me your ticket... you don't want to go anyway, and I can invite Clara to the ball with me then!"
"Why don't you give me YOUR ticket, and then I can go with someone?"
"You don't have anyone. I mean, which girl do you plan to date anyway?"
"What do you mean girl?"
"You look like a guy... so the only people who would look normal going to a ball with you would be a girl." Benedict laughed at his own joke.
"Shit you, I don't like girls... I like guys!"
"Haha, then you're gay."
"You're lesbian."
"Gay ass! Go join Setapak Curry House!"
And they fought all the way back.

* * * * *

The next morning, when Thingy and Goldie woke up in the publication room, they were surprised to see Lumpy Lock there. He was one frightened moose when Thingy decided to give him a hug, he leaned away from her so much that he ended up falling off his couch, and landing on Igene (who somehow shifted from the ping-pong table to the floor).

"You stupid moose! You stupid virgin moose! I curse you so that you'll never meet a princess to kiss you!" exclaimed Igene.
"What's with the princess deal anyway?" asked Goldie. She was always the last to get any piece of news. And she had never really bothered to be friendly towards Lumpy the Moose, and therefore, didn't really know why he was .. well, a moose.
"Haven't you heard?" asked Thingy. "Lumpy is cursed to be a moose for the rest of his life, unless a beautiful princess kisses him. Then the spell will be broken."
"Why didn't you guys tell me this sooner?!"
"Why didn't you ask Lumpy himself? I mean - didn't you ever wonder why he had so much body hair? Or why he has antlers? Or why he has hoof-like hands and legs?"
"Well... I always imagined shaving him and using his hair to make myself a fine coat. But I do that for every guy anyway. This publication room is cold. Anyway, yeah, you people should have told me this sooner!"
"It's not like you can help anyway, right?" said Lumpy irritatably.
"I can!"
"What? YOU are a princess? Please don't make us laugh. Even if you are, you'll have to be a beautiful one," laughed Igene derisively.
"Grr... I'm not one... but I know someone who is!! And she's cute to boot."

Lumpy Lock fainted at the news.

* * * * *
Seamus checked his phone the next day and found that his inbox was filled with about 50 new messages. All of them were from Joanne, and she was begging Seamus to help her to apologise to Benedict. Seamus did his best, as he was happy having Joanne's attentions focused on Ben. Who knew, if he didn't help Joanne, she might fall for his dashing good looks again. None of that. Therefore, he persisted and bugged Benedict to the maximum, so that Benedict finally conceded to talk to Joanne again.

"You sure you aren't angry with me anymore, Ben?"
"No I'm not. But do be nicer to Clara in the future, ok?"
"Yeah. Anyway, Ben, are you going to the ball?"
"Errr.... why?"
"Well, I want to go with you."
Benedict nearly died. "I can't go. I don't have the cash."
"If you go to the ball, I'll pay for YOUR ticket. And mine. Please, please, please, I really want to go, and I really want you there."
Benedict didn't even bother to reply that message.

Little did he know that in less than 24 hours, he would be the one messaging Joanne and confirming his attendence at the Moonway Ball!

What made Ben change his mind? Is Clara just a girl who won't take shit from no one, or is she pure evil (as Joanne thinks)? When will Seamus finally get to reveal his secret past? Who is the princess that Goldie knows? Find out next episode!

Fan interviews: Forbidden Blue Durian

Sun, 07 Dec 2003 10:45:44 GMT

Come up with five questions each to ask your favourite characters! Subjects can range from normal - favourite food, blood type , to saucy - requests to see them in costumes! ^_^

Depending on the response, this might come out as a FBD Xmas / New Year Special.

Have fun thinking of your questions and requests!

Special guest panel:

bluedurian
evilzempire
ioogleguys
silverkey

Chapter 6 : Sharing is Caring

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 04:10:24 GMT

[This chapter focuses mainly on Benedict. See what he faces during the day. But at night it's even worse, because he dreams of a single room in a silent corridor. And this room is somehow more terrifying than every other nightmare combined...]

Benedict couldn't believe his luck. Clara had transferred from the science stream into the arts stream. This meant that she was now in his class. Score!!

He was even happier when he found out that Clara was as impressed with Joanne Ling's little clique with Ar Lian and Ar Huey as he was. Anyone who disassociated themselves from Joanne was a friend of his. Clara was nice to the geeks and nerds, and that even included Pee Yin. Ben was even close enough to Clara for her to confide in him that she was actually Sarah Tan (his idol!)'s younger sister. Clara even offered to help Ben get her autograph and a huge poster of her sister. Somehow, the idea of getting a poster and autograph from Sarah, an idea that would've delighted him about 1 month ago seemed like nothing to him now. What he really wanted was just to talk with Clara...

"You're besotted," said Seamus.
"No I'm not. Clara and I are just friends. I don't want a girlfriend... I'm busy. With Airco stuff, econs and er... accounts. Who needs a girl to spoil all of that?"
"That's what your mouth says, but your heart is thinking differently," said Seamus with a sneaky smile. He fluttered his eyelashes lasviciously while Choong Leeng made kissy noises in the background.
"Cut it out, you idiots. You want to know what besotted is? Besotted is what Joanne is of you, Seamus. Ooh, she wants to hump you dry. She wants to fuck you silly! Mwahahaha!!"
"Yeah right. I've stopped replying all her mis-calls and her sms-es. Last I checked, she only sms-es you all those weird good night messages with teddy bear pictures. You're so dumb... you can't even see what's right before your eyes!"
"Hey, she's just my classmate! I made it clear to her... anyway, she told me that she wants YOU."
"You see --- that is exactly what PROVES that she really wants you! After all, which girl would go around admitting that she likes a guy's good friend? She just wants to lull you into a false sense of security. You dumbass!"
Seamus and Choong Leeng collapsed into fits of giggles. Benedict thought of bringing up the near-rape of Seamus incident to shut him up. But whenever he did, Seamus would clam up for days. Being a good friend, Benedict thought it was better to withstand teasing from a noisy Seamus than silence from a put-in-his-place Seamus. He suspected that Seamus's recent depression was not solely attributed to the rape, but something else. If only he could get Seamus to tell him what was really bugging him...

At the other end of the cafeteria, sat Joanne, Ar Huey and Ar Lian. Ar Huey and Ar Lian were busy comforting Joanne Ling, who was shifting rapidly between immense anger and her self-professed depths of despair. Ever since Clara Tan had joined their classes, there was a huge backlash of hate from the rest of the girls in the class who were secretly (now not-so-secretly) in love with Benedict Neo. Joanne was the type of person who would only befriend someone who she claims to be as good looking as her. (Pee Yin was obviously not on her list of friends.) Therefore, Ar Lian and Ar Huey thought that Joanne would be really proud of them if they managed to recruit Clara into their clique. When Clara entered the classroom, Ar Lian and Ar Huey flocked to Clara's side (elbowing Benedict out of the way). They introduced themselves to her, and then brought her to meet Joanne. For some reason, Joanne didn't seem happy to see Clara. In fact, there was animosity in her eyes. As for Clara, they didn't understand why she was unimpressed by their incessant chatter about fashion, Justin Timberlake and the cute guys in Moonway College.

The straw that broke Joanne's back was when Benedict came towards their group. Joanne was practically going to orgasm when she saw him walking to the back of the classroom. Ben never approached Joanne - he was always using Pee Yin as a bodyguard against Joanne's advances. Joanne hurriedly checked her reflection in the mirror, pressed more powder on her pimples (they seemed to keep coming up, no matter what she did) and smiled seductively at Ben. However, Ben didn't seem to even notice her! He asked Clara somewhat-nonchalantly whether she had an extra calculator to lend him.

"Ben, you know I have an extra 3 calculators in my bag..." began Joanne. She always dreamed of the day that a cute guy would forget his calculator and be forced to borrow one of hers.
"... I would borrow Pee Yin's calculator, but he uses his Nokia handphone," continued Benedict.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Ben. I only have this one calculator with me," replied Clara.
"Ben, I have 3..." Joanne reiterated.
"Well, I'm sorry for bothering you then..." said Benedict, who didn't look sorry at all.
"I have 3..." butted Joanne again, while waving the calculators in the air.
"I know what... we can share calculators! I'll go shift in front..." said Clara hurriedly.
Before Joanne, Ar Huay and Ar Lian could stop her, Clara had packed all her books up and was sitting next to Benedict in front. Using her vulture eyes, Joanne could see Benedict and Clara's fingers occasionally brush over the number pad. "Oops," giggled Clara. "Totally my fault," replied Benedict shyly.

Seeing their incessant flirtation over the calculator made Joanne burst a few arteries. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!! What does Ben-Ben see in that Sarah Tan-lookalike? I got EVERYTHING she got, even more!!" she ranted to Ar Lian and Ar Huey.
"I heard she really Sarah Tan's younger sister... imagine, if she was our friend, she could introduce us to all the cute-cute VJs..." said Ar Lian.
"Yeah hor... some more that Clara is soooooo pretty. Sure lots of boys want to know her... we could be really popular if we hang out with Clara... her clothes are all demn nice too!" replied Ar Huey.
"Some more I she said she got an AUTOGRAPHED Ef-real Lar-wayne poster... wah.. I also want! I wonder if she can get an autographed N*Sync CD for me..." enthused Ar Lian.
"Are the two of you completely retarded? She just stole my boyfriend from me, and the two of you are still thinking of being friends with her!" screamed Joanne.
"Who's your boyfriend, Joanne?" asked the two of them in unison.
"Benedict!! I told you about how he kept praising me when we went to KLCC right? Then he held my arm the whole day, and we sat together for a movie and lunch!"
"Oh yeah, and you had your head between his legs too!"
"Exactly! And now he's ditched me for that Clara Tan!"
"That bastard!"
"You mean 'that bitch!'. I still want Benedict. Now we have to get rid of Clara! Life was so much better when she wasn't around! I was the prettiest girl in class. I was the most popular...." Joanne's lips started to tremble as her eyes welled up with tears.
"Then maybe we can help you."
Joanne looked up. There were two vaguely familiar classmates of hers looking down at the trio.
"Tsk tsk Joan... don't you know your classmates? I'm Zohra, and this here is Pooya Kasha."
"It's Joanne, and what do you two want?" Joanne hurriedly wiped her eyes, smearing her mascara and eyeliner along the way.
"Well, you want to get rid of Clara Tan. So do I. As in Survivor, it's necessary for people with the same ideal to align themselves for to achieve their goal," stated Zohra, with a defiant toss of her curls.
"Why do you want to get rid of Clara? You mean YOU like Benedict as well?" said Joanne with a snarl.
"Of course not!" she snapped. She answered a little too quickly for Joanne's comfort.
"Then why?"
"Well, as you all know, most of the A-Levels committee have selected me to represent the course to be Ms A-Levels for the upcoming Moonway Ball. I've even been practising my bit for the talent section already. However, those ungrateful bastards have been talking about getting Clara to replace me. I will NOT have that. As I said, I've already been practising my part. They can NOT ditch me just like that!" steamed Zohra.
"Right on," added Pooya.
Joanne thought about it. Hey, two heads were better than one. Besides, she knew that Ar Lian and Ar Huey were easily distracted and couldn't really be trusted. Plus, Zohra was good-looking enough to be friends with. She really couldn't bear working with someone ugly. Imagine - telling people that you were friends with Ms Moonway... definitely a ticket to popularity! With a devious smile, she shook hands with Zohra.

* * * * * * *

"Fuck you, you fucking fucker! If you dare, come inside here, and I will fuck you up!" screamed a ferocious looking girl in an immensely tiny tank top and shorts to a guy with obvious aspirations to be Eminem (dressed in a hoodie, using overt hand signals, bling bling everywhere).
"Bitch, YOU come out here if you dare, and I will fuck you up!"

This show of daring was going on when Benedict was walking towards the Airco publication room. Now he knew why the seniors referred to it as "The Pub" - there seemed to be a barfight going on. And apparently these fights were not anything special, because Goldie Cheng was sitting at the middle computer (again!) doing her work placidly, and Loo Thingy was using her laptop and drinking Milo (again) calmly.

"FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!" screamed the Eminem wannabe before legging it.
"Fucking chicken!" the girl yelled back. Turning to Goldie Cheng, she said, "All this yelling has gotten me thirsty... let's go for a drink in the cafeteria. Loan me a buck first, will ya? I'll pay you back later."

When the two girls had left the room (with Goldie giving Benedict another sneer), Benedict sat next to Thingy and asked her, "Who was that and what was going on just now? I've never heard that many 'fuck' words in 10 minutes."
"That was Igene. I warned you about her, didn't I? The guy is Nike Poo. He thinks he's in Airco, but he's already been fired. Long story. He's quite a prick... he accused Igene of putting libelous posters of him up around the pub, when it was actually Eurene who did it. Of course Eurene wouldn't admit to it, and Igene is too nice to sell Eurene out to Nike."
"Wow, Igene is such a good buddy."
"Yup. Now enough gossip, and help me type and print this stuff out."
"Err.... I can't."
"Whyever not?"
"Cos there's no computer available."
"Use the middle one... it's working and connected to the printer."
"I can't. Goldie was using that one."
"Don't be ridiculous. You can do the work quickly, and then Goldie can have her computer back. Just don't mess up her files and any programs she has open. However, if you're too lazy to do the work, you can just say that out instead of making up excuses."

There really was no choice, so Benedict started typing as fast as he could, while praying that he would not be caught. But as Murphy's law states, whatever bad that can happen *will* happen, and soon Goldie and Igene came back, just as he was in the middle of the article. Goldie was stunned to see someone who dared to use *her* computer. Igene sat next to Benedict and used the other computer to play Neopets while Goldie was still getting over her shock. Loudly, she stated, "OH WELL, I GUESS I'LL START DOING MY WORK NOW..." and took a cautious step towards her computer. Who the heck is this kid, and why is he not getting my hint she thought.

Save me, Loo Thingy! screamed Benedict's heart silently. Of course, the editor was oblivious. What they didn't know was that she was intently reading a slash fanfiction on the net, and would be unresponsive to anything going on around her until she finished. He crouched lower, hoping to make himself less visible and willed his fingers to fly over the keys. Soon, Goldie reached the middle computer, and in overtly controlled tones, stated, "I'll like my computer back. I have work to do." Then started to drum her fingers irritatingly next to Benedict.
"Thingy gave me work to do! She asked me to use this computer!" said Benedict quickly.
"Oh, Thingy. Why is this person sitting at my computer?"
Thingy snapped back to reality (she finished her story) and rescued Benedict by saying, "Oh... he'll finish the work really quickly. Don't worry, he didn't shut down any of your programs... Goldie? Goldie are you ok? You're not going into another one of your fits are you?"

Meanwhile, Igene was silently willing Benedict to look at her. Just one look, and he'll fall for me... no guy can resist the double D's she thought. It wasn't that Igene was in love with Benedict at first sight, but that she was on a mission to make every single guy in Malaysia to fall in love with her. When that mission is fulfilled, she would move on to South-East Asia... and then the world! However, as Benedict's chin was almost resting on the spacebar, she turned to him and with her lowest, most sexy voice possible, she said, "Hello... my name is Igene Chee." With that, she lowered her lids and smiled a shy smile. Benedict was surprised... finally, a friendly senior! He shook the hand that she extended and was happy that not everyone in the Airco publication room was a possessive idiot like Goldie.

Does Benedict meet any other 'nice' seniors in Airco? Why is there a sleepover in the publication room? What does Zohra and Joanne have in store for Clara? Find out next issue!

Chapter Five : To The Rescue

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 20:00:05 GMT

[As previously noted, Chapter Four was not missed out, it just happened to be locked for containing 18-SX content. You have been warned! Faithful readers, JOIN sugarcomb for access to more locked entries!]

A flutter of eyelashes...
a flash of light...
excited voices in the background...

His lids felt heavy, but with much effort, Seamus managed to open his eyes. He could see Benedict and Choong Leeng hovering over him. A wave of shame washed over him as he remembered what had happened that had led to this. "GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" he yelled, as he crouched on the floor.

"Hey, hey, it's okay Seamus! We know what happened! I mean, what didn't happen. But would have happened. If we didn't come in just in time!" said Benedict dramatically.
"What do you mean?" said Seamus between sobs.
"Do a butt squeeze! You'll find that erm... you aren't sore, so your backdoor has not been violated. Heh heh. Heh heh. You overtly sexy gay magnet. Told you this place was full of happy donkeys..." replied Benedict.
One butt squeeze later, Seamus was screaming for joy and hugging Choong Leeng and Benedict like a mad man. "What happened? What happened? Oh someone up there loves me! I knew he loves me ever since the day he made me good looking! Anyway, what happened? Wait one second..." Seamus rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and to scrape his tongue with a spoon. All the while, Benedict was explaining what happened...

How I Rescued Seamus from a Happy Donkey by Benedict Neo En Zheng
I was tucking into my chicken, and I found that it was too salty. So I said to Choong Leeng, 'This chicken is too salty'. Out of nowhere, that huge fag Camron comes storming out of the kitchen with a cleaver saying 'The. Chicken. Is. NOT. Too. Salt-ayyyy!" I gave him a dashing look of defiance, so he threw his cleaver at me. I instantly did three backflips to avoid the weapon, and it ended up slicing a chair into half. Soon, a barrage of waiters came out, from god-knows-where, and they attacked me from all angles. I flew like a delicate butterfly from table to table, but with my mad kungfu skills that I learnt from Charlie's Angels, I managed to defeat all of them. Soon, it was just me, facing down to Camron. As he advanced towards me, I gave him my Ultimate Kungfu Kick, which ended with him crashing through the managers office door. At first, I thought you were making out with a really ugly woman, but then I realised it was actually Ricky. So I kungfu-ed his ass as well for wasting good lavender eyeshadow. Now thank me.

"You'll forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe."
"You ungrateful bastard."
"You're a smart one Seamus... I'll tell you the story of how I really rescued you," said Choong Leeng.

How I Rescued Seamus from a Happy Donkey by Chan Choong Leeng
Well, you know how I've been getting food poisoning from this place right? I finally figured it was probably because the waiters didn't like me or something. I knew it because it was getting a wee bit too obvious --- my chicken chop smelled like Clorox bleach the last time I came here, remember? So I decided to lodge a complaint. I went to the managers office, stormed in and saw you making out with a reallly ugly woman. Instantly, I grabbed a badminton racquet and smashed him over the head with it. He grabbed a badminton racquet as well, and soon we were duelling like mad. It was only when Ben came in that his attentions were momentarily diverted, so I delivered the crucial swipe to his neck. And he fainted. Now thank me.

"Again, forgive me if I'm doubtful."
"Well, at least thank me for being the diversion," said Ben.
"And what? No thanks for my elite badminton skills?"

A strange voice spoke out from the corner. "I'll tell you what really happened."

Seamus turned to the door, and standing there was a very dashing looking young man. He had a sharp nose, delicate features and soft, brownish hair.

"I... I never knew that hiring tranny would result in this, it's horrible that Ricky would dare to do such a thing in my office. I really apologise. I can't imagine what would have happened if you hadn't bitten Ricky's tongue."
"I... I bit his tongue?"
"Yes, nearly into half. His screams were so piercing that your two friends came running in to check what was going on. I asked them to look after you while I sent Ricky to the hospital. You have no worries... he will never work in this place again. And today's meal is on me. In fact, feel welcome to come here more often in the future. This place serves really good food, after all."
"I can't imagine walking into here again on my own free will. But thank you," said Seamus.
"Yes, thanks for the help. We won't be able to help Seamus if he really *hehe* had been buggered," said Ben and Choong Leeng.
"Do you want to make a police report or something? I could drive you kids there," asked the manager.
"No... its over, and I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Hey, by the way... we never got your name. What is it...?" queried Seamus.
"Oh, call me Liew. I'm Angelica Liew."

* * * * *

Ben and Choong Leeng had a hard time explaining to Eurene Tonk why Seamus couldn't attend the interviews. He started pacing the room, his belly quivering while going on about 'morons' and 'principles'. A calm girl with flawless complexion merely said, "Just sit down Eurene. Anyway, Maria had already told me that she thought Seamus would be best as the head. As he's the best looking one. We just have to see if these two are capable enough to join Airco."

Still grumbling, Eurene walked out of the publication room, saying that he needed to get some evaluation forms before he started the interview. When he left, The Flawless Girl invited the two to take a seat, after which they had time to quietly survey the area, while she went off to make herself a cup of 3-in-1 milo. Ben and Choong Leeng surveyed the room with scared eyes. It was sparsely done - there was daffodil coloured pigeonholes, 3 computers for the publication work (they later found out that he middle one was the most functional one, hence, it was never available) and a row of gray lockers. A huge table was set in the middle of the room, with dozens of royal blue chairs littered around. It was here that the interview was about to take place. However, despite the poor furnishings, it seemed really crowded. Everyone was pretty noisy, and boy were there a lot of people. In fact, some of them couldn't even really be classified as people. Choong Leeng swore that there was a guy running around the place in a bright yellow shirt that looked a LOT like a moose...

Ben was still wondering whether Maria had made a mistake (I mean, who's to judge that Seamus was "the good looking one"? Maybe she meant Ben? Or Choong Leeng? Who knew?) when The Flawless Girl sat down with them again.

"Hello, my name is Loo Thingy and I'm the editor of Airco magazine. The sub editor is Eurene Tonk, who you two have already met. Is there anything you'll like to know about Airco magazine?"
"Hello." The two replied in unison. "Yeah, I'm just wondering who else is in this elite editorial board," asked Ben.
"We have over 50 editorial board members, some of them more active than others. I'll just give you a run through to the people around the publication room now. The girl drawing cartoon mood icons on the whiteboard is Dianne Brah. She's the head of fashion - very nice and friendly. Has not thrown a tantrum ever."
Ben and Choong Leeng exchanged glances. Did that mean that the other people were apt to throwing tantrums?
"Next we have the boy in the yellow shirt studying biology on the beanbag..."
"The boy? I thought it was a moose!" exclaimed Choong Leeng.
"Yes... it's a rather unfortunate circumstance that caused poor Lumpy Lock to turn into an animal. You see, he was once like you and I... but he traded in his looks to the wicked witch of the north in exchange for the latest version of Digger and a box of Sailormoon hentai. He can only change back into a normal teenage boy if a beautiful princess kisses him...."
"That is so beautifully tragic. I wonder when Lumpy will get to meet a princess," said Choong Leeng dreamily.
"Not just any princess. Must be beautiful one some more," added Ben.
"Well, you shouldn't be shocked to see animal-like creatures around the publication room. We totally do not discriminate when hiring people. Some of our best members are animals. Two of our best spies on what the student cuntcil do are Agent Wombat and Agent Chipm0nk. They aren't really wombats and chipmunks of course, those are just their codenames. You'll NEVER find out who they are because, well, they are secret agents."
"Why do we have to spy on the student coun-I mean cuntcil?" asked Ben.
"Because they always look down on the editorial board! Especially the student council leader Eejar Esmonde. Awful guy. Grr. They think they're bloody elite or something just because they are "student leaders". Well, we lead our own way, and it's not on the same path as theirs!"
"So what other animal-like people are there in the publication room?"
"Well, the head of graphics (Goldie Cheng) introduced her bison friend Wison to us the other day. He's not technically an Airco member, but he's really helpful with the computers. Plus, when he's feeling extra friendly, he acts as the doorman. Oh yesh, I forgot. Goldie's using the middle computer. Please do not use "her" computer... she goes into a fit. I do not want to use the tongue depressor again anytime this week. The head of photography is whirling Lumpy now - he's Edward Khoo - but he's not an animal... he's just acts like a bull."
"What's Wison's story for becoming a bison then?"
"Have you watched Brother Bear yet? Well, it's like that, only Wison has to learn how to love bisons before he turns back into a human. And before I forget - I'll have to warn you about Igene Chee. She's the head of products and reviews. Boy does she have a temper. Better not get in her way. Be careful around her, if you get on her good side - alls well. If not... I don't want to think about it."
Thingy paused to take a sip of her hot Milo before continuing;
"You do know what your job scope is, right?"
The two shook their heads.
"Well, as members of the public relations department, you'll have to promote Airco magazine whenever possible. You must help us in any anti-student cuntcil activity. Also, since you're new (and young, with fresh ~~bodies~~ minds), you'll have to help out as much in the other departments as well. Plus, if I the editorial board needs your ~~looks and body~~ help in money-generating activities, then you'll be expected to proffer it as and when needed."
"Hey hey," protested Ben. "I'm not a self-sacrificing fool. I will not use my body to get money for Airco!"
A stern look from Thingy silenced him.
"Well, how about Seamus ... he's willing. I sacrifice Seamus to Airco, as long as my body remains covered."
"Then that's ok." She smiled. She wanted to see Seamus naked more anyway.
Ben and Choong Leeng were still digesting all the information when Eurene came storming back in. He started complaining about how life was so terrible because of all the red tape he had to go through to get the evaluation forms printed. Then he muttered something about fucking morons and how he was going to get a headache. Thingy hissed at him to sit down and shut up, so he did. And then the omnimous music played in Ben's head... the interview was about to start! Were they going to be the oh-so-coveted Airco members?

"Ok. The questions. Firstly, do the two of you speak english?"
"Si," said Ben.
"Ja," answered Choong Leeng.
"Right. Next question. Do the two of you know how to write?"
"It can be done if I tried really hard," said Ben sarcastically.
"I just learnt that skill last week!" replied Choong Leeng.
"Okay then, you're hired."

And that was that. As they were leaving the room, they passed by the girl by the computer. She sneered at them and gave them a glare before turning back to the screen.

"Psh Eurene... did Goldie just give me the facial third finger?" asked Ben.
"Ignore her. She won't speak to me because I have principles and she's heinous any way. Love me."
Eurene hugged Ben, and the only thought that went through Ben's mind was, </i>Thank God his belly stops his crotch from being any where near mine...</i>

"Goldie, why were you giving those kids the cock stare?" asked Dianne Brah, the head of the fashion department.
"What do you mean? I was smiling at them!"
"A smile? You had this weird grimace and your eyes were so narrowed that they were mere slits. And then you rolled your eyes into the back of your head."
"Oh. I must work on the smile then. Anyway, they weren't being friendly to me. Why should I be friendly to them?"
"Cos they're kids!!! And they're new!!!"
"Bleah. Favouritism."
"Anyway. Have you seen Igene around lately?"
"No. Why? She owes you cash? Again?"
"Yeah... I wonder when she'll be coming."
"Oh, she told me online last night that she might be coming to college tomorrow. Apparently she has a score to settle with Nike Poo. You see, Igene printed out some nasty posters with Nike's face on it, and he got pissed. So he called her a bitch, and now she wants to break her foot off in his ass."
"Indeed? I'm gonna be here tomorrow then. Can get my money back, plus a free show. Drama!"

* * * * *

Choong Leeng, Benedict and Seamus walked down to the restaurant near their condo for dinner. It was only 6pm, but it had been a long day. Seamus refused to even listen to Ben's constant ribbing of going to Setapak Curry House for curry chicken. He seemed to enjoy re-living the entire ordeal word-by-word for Seamus's pleasure.

"...anyway, you were muttering something about ropes and yelling something about being innocent... what was all that about?" asked Ben.
"What? When did I say this?" said Seamus sharply.
"Oh, when you passed out. Choong Leeng and I were worried sick about you. You just kept on muttering to yourself... those were the only words I caught."
Seamus was silent. Benedict was bringing back those memories... at first he didn't really remember them, but when he focused, the pain came back in a flash. No, it was better to bury his past once and for all.
"Nothing related. Must've been Ricky trying to tie me with the fishnet."
Benedict was about to press Seamus for details when She caught his eye.

She was slim and petite, walking past in high heels that gave her an even more stately appearance. She had skin like milk and honey (to use a cliched expression), straight, long hair like the midnight sky. Gorgeous. What was even more captivating was how she didn't seem to hold any airs about her appearance. Usually girls this good looking went around with their nose in the air and with a permanent scowl etched on their face. Instead, this girl seemed to glance around shyly and seemed unsure on how to handle herself. When she saw Ben gaping at her, she gave him a small smile.

"Whoa! Did you see that? She smiled at me!" said Ben excitedly.
"Who?" asked Seamus.
"There... gorgeous girl with the tall and pointed nose! My gawd, she looks like Sarah Tan --- and I can't believe I'm saying this, but she looks even BETTER than Sarah Tan!!!"
"You mean the girl in the purple tube top and denim capris?" said Choong Leeng.
"Yeah!!"
"Ohhhh.... that's Clara lah..."
"YOU KNOW HER!?!?"
"Of course... I knew her since the orientation on the first day!"
"You... EVIL!!! Why didn't introduce her to us??!?!? Instead you introduced us to that sticky girl Joanne Ling!"
"Ehhh... I didn't introduce you all to Joanne Ling... she introduced herself to you two. Anyway, Clara was at the orientation for only a short while... she had to go somewhere, so she just dropped in for about 30 minutes."
"30 minutes is a long time! Long enough to meet us! Anyway, where did she had to go? Was it to... *ahem* meet her boyfriend?"
"She's single lar. She had to go back to her hometown... she lives in Malacca. Her grandma was sick. She just came to register, then she found out that her grandma was dying. So the past few days she had to go to the funeral and all that. Anyway, can we talk later? I'm hungry."
"You can eat 3 plates of mee goreng - on me (not off my body, you psycho)... if you tell me more about this Clara girl...."

Has Benedict found the girl of his dreams? Who is Clara anyway? What is Seamus hiding from his friends? Is this the last we've heard of Setapak Curry House? Will Igene break her foot off in Nike's ass? What adventures await our friends in Airco? Find out next episode!

Chapter Four : Sojourn at Setapak Curry House

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 07:53:56 GMT

[This chapter was locked. It is not for little boys to read. Doubtful? I dare you...]

Ben thought that waking up at 6:30am on weekdays were over once he had graduated from high school. However 8:30am morning classes were not foreign to most Moonway College students. The only thing Ben could do was silently curse Choong Leeng and Seamus for being lucky enough to have most classes in the afternoon. How unfair. The scientists were able to sleep in, while the lawyers had to push their droopy eyebags up and shuffle into class.

As usual, he was earlier than most students. "My classmates are all lazy asses," he thought as he walked into the partially filled room. And he was already 10 minutes late. Soon, someone settled next to him, and he found out that it was Pee Yin . Pee Yin was the classic nerd - checked shirts, pocket protector, carries a scientific calculator in his backpocket and stuffs pocket dictionaries into his underpants (unlike socks, the preference of jocks). However, Pee Yin was a rather nice person, so Ben didn't mind sitting next to him. However, that was not what Joanne thought. She was horrified that someone as ugly as Pee Yin would dare to obstruct what was previously a crystal clear view of Ben. This gave her the confidence to storm up to Pee Yin and yell, "GET OUT OF MY SEAT, LOSER!!!!"

"Joanne! Er... I thot you were sitting at the back with Ar Lian and Ar Huey," stammered Pee Yin
"Whatever gave YOU that thought? Oh wait, that would be assuming you had the mental capacity to use your brains. Everyone knows that Ben is practically my best friend in Moonway. OBVIOUSLY best friends sit together!"
"Er.. I would like to point out that..."
"MOVE!"
*scuttles away*

Ben was stricken with fear. He had never seen Joanne so angry before. Plus, she was going to sit next to him! This meant that the probability of his shirt getting torn and him getting playful pinches (even his ass was not spared) had risen two fold. Joanne must've seen the look of terror on many a guy's face, because she suddenly asked Ben,

"Hey, why are you so afraid? You think I like you is it?"
"I don't know, you tell me. First, you spent nearly 30 minutes stuck between my legs after you fell down last Saturday. Then you spent the whole of Mami Jarum clinging on to my arm. Then tried to con me into paying you compliments. Now you just shooed away Pee Yin so that you could sit next to me. Tell me what I'm supposed to think."
"Ahahahha... hiaks! Don't be so silly ler Ben! *slaps his arm* I do that to every guy ler! *shy smile* Hehehehe.. aiyoooo, you actually think I'm so terrible er? *pouty face* I kind of twisted my ankle when I fell down that day... you see... even now I'm still limping. I'm wearing my 3 inch heels instead of my usual stillettos. *beams* Later you must help me walk oso. *sly look* And then ar... that Mami Jarum is kind of a scary movie, so that's why I hold you lor. I am scared mar. You not scared meh? You so brave ler!!!! *strokes his arm* Anyway... ahahaha... I like Seamus! *shy giggle*"
Ben let out a laugh of relief. The molestation could continue, as long as her heart really belonged to Seamus. Aha! Now he could continue teasing Seamus with Joanne! Oh, he would soooooo pay Seamus back for all the rap he got for the past few days!

Joanne wanted Ben to go for lunch with her, Ar Lian and Ar Huey, but a timely sms from Seamus gave him a good excuse. Ben would've asked Joanne to join them (then he could rib Seamus til the cows came home), but Seamus's sms read something like this:

Come to SCH w CL n me. Imp. Airco reg form w us. TOP SECRET.

After spending a good 2 minutes, Ben managed to decipher the message, all but the "Airco" part. And why would he want a regeneration form? Or was it regiment? And did Seamus just call him a wuss? And he spelt it wrong. "Wus". Asshole.

All the way to Setapak Curry House, Ben and CL teased Seamus with Joanne. CL was particularly gleeful. The two guys always insulted her, so now she could tease either of them to shut them up. Joanne may be her good friend, but hey, whatever it takes to get back at silly boys.

"If you're mature enough to shut up for two seconds, maybe I could fill you in on what Airco is," said Seamus.
"Ooh yeah , you wuss. What's this Airco stuff about? Sounds like an air-conditioning company. Why would you want me to join an air-conditioning regiment? Asshole."
"Why did you call me a wuss? Anyway, Airco is the Moonway College Student Magazine. It's for the ELITE only. Only the ELITE can join it. And since Choong Leeng and I got an invitation, we are ELITE. And we said we knew one more ELITE person, we got an extra form for you. But you'll have to undergo this SUPER TOP SECRET interview which is damn kau strict before you're accepted. But we probably will since we're ELITE," explained Seamus
"If it's so damn elite, how come the two of you were chosen? Hehe. Hehe."
"Ooooohhhh.... it's a LONGGGG story. You see right, there's the sub-editor of Airco who saw Sean during the A-Levels mixer..." started Choong Leeng.
"Oh! The day when Seamus was wearing his super short shorts and tight-fitting bright orange singlet? So who's the Ah Lian who fell for that stupid outfit of his?"
"Ahahhahahaa.... it's the Ah Beng who fell for his stupid outfit! The sub-editor is this guy called Eurene Tonk!!!"
Ben and Choong Leeng collapsed into fits of hysterical laughter.
"Enough ok? I'm just glad to escape from him. He's like hugging me when passing me the forms... hugging me when I handed in my form... hugging me because I use Brylcreem like him... I feel so molested. That's why I want to go to Setapak Curry House. To get away from it all."

Little did Seamus know that he was walking into the lion's den!

"Ahhhh Reeeeeky, there's our pretty boy coming for lunch here again. And he brought along his two leeeeeedle friends."
"Aah! Aah! Is this place clean enough for him Camron? Do I look pretty enough today?" replied Ricky.
"I am going to my room and putting perfume behind my knees Reeeeky. I'll be serving him today."
"That's not fair Camron... I saw him first. He smiled at me last time. You always steal mah boiz."
Camron looked irritable. "Okay, fine have him. I'll go after the spiky haired one next time."
"AAHH!! You sure Camron? You'll let me handle the pretty boy by myself? Aaah! You are the best bisexual friend a transvestite like me could ever have."
"Of course, dahling. Now you go upstairs and put on that lavendar eyeshadow of yours. Ooh, and don't forget the eyeliner baby. They make your eyes look so pretty. They're your best feature."
"Honey, stop it! I'm going to cry if you continue being such a dear!!!"

Ricky sauntered up the stairs to make himself up, while Camron started rolling out the red carpet and bringing in freshly cut flowers for the vases. He was the head chef of SCH, and he knew that the trio always ordered chicken, so he went out to slaughter the fowl. Only the freshest for Pretty Boy, Spiky Haired Boy and that blonde girl who Ricky and him planned to murder so that they could have the boys to themselves.

As usual, Seamus, Ben and Choong Leeng were very impressed by the ambience of SCH. It smelled nicer than other restaurants, and Seamus and Ben thought the food was delectable. Choong Leeng didn't like the place very much - she always seemed to get food poisoning after eating there. But as mentioned earlier, the environment was lovely, so she would usually just sit there with them and pick off their plates. Which seemed to annoy the waiters more than Seamus or Ben.

"Ello boys... I'll be joh waiter today. I'm Reeeeeky."
"Hey Rick. I'll take the tom yam chicken and ... ice lemon tea."
"Curry chicken. Apple juice."
Ricky was sad. The Spiky Haired Boy actually mentioned his name, but all Pretty Boy did was say "curry chicken". How unromantic. However, this did bring ONE spark of hope to Ricky. Maybe Pretty Boy wasn't into making sweet love to the strains of Kenny G. Maybe what he wanted was just pure, unadulterated ROUGH sex. Oohh... the thought of that got his loins all hot and bothered.

When Ricky served the food to them, he braved himself up to ask Pretty Boy.
"Ah, scuse me leedle boy, but I have something to ask you."
"Now?" Seamus looked sad at the thought that he'll have to leave his curry chicken when it had just arrived. The aroma was intoxicating.
"Yes boy. Don't worry... I will make it worth your while..."
"Ok."

Seamus was wondering what was happening, but he didn't really think much about it. Maybe he heard news about Ben calling SCH "a place filled with happy donkeys", and they wanted to talk to Seamus, the level-headed one about it. They walked into a small room behind the kitchen that was labelled "Manager's Office". Things were starting to look a wee bit too serious for his liking. Whatever Ben said wasn't Seamus's fault, and he shouldn't have to pay for it. When Ricky closed the door of the manager's office, Seamus voiced his concern straightaway.

"Hey, I don't know what I or my friends ever did to your restaurant... but I apologise. Let me go back to my curry chicken. Please."
"Relax, boy. It's alright. It's ok. Don't panic. Don't run your mouth off. I just want to ask you to model."
"Model?"
"Yes, if you just take a few photos, you'll be guaranteed a free lifetime supply of curry chicken rice sets here."
Seamus's eyes lit up. LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CURRY CHICKEN. And for what? He was only modelling. Obviously the modelling meant that he would be the face of Setapak Curry House. Which is not a bad idea, of course. Such delicious food should have an equally delicious face to go with it. He signed an agreement with Ricky, something simple that stated "I will model for Ricky, as he sees fit in return for free curry chicken sets for the rest of my life." Seamus signed it in a hurry, as he agred with Ricky that they should not waste time over 'legal nitty gritties'.
"Ok. Let's get started now. What pose do you want? How about this?"
With that, Seamus leaned down , one arm on his knee, his head bent slightly down, and then he turned his face slightly upwards. Ricky thought that his time had stopped. Every single eyelash of Seamus's could be seen clearly. Every strand was thick and curved upwards. And his arm hair was so thick and luxurious that they could have starred in their own shampoo commercial. They looked like wheat fields.
Seamus found it hard to get retain the pose for a long time, so he irritatably seethed, "Aren't you going to snap the picture already?"
Ricky snapped out of his weird imagination and decided to put his plan to action. "But you aren't dressed for it yet."
"Oh... so you want me to wear a Setapak Curry House tee shirt or something?"
"Setapak Curry House? Why would you wear a Setapak Curry House shirt?"
"Er... I'm modelling for your restaurant.... RIGHT?"
"HAHAHAHA.... no, you're modelling for my own personal collection. You're wearing this!"
Ricky threw a bright red fishnet g-string and said, "Wear this" with a smirk on his face.
"What? You must be crazy."
"Please. You didn't think for one minute that we were going through that roleplaying of photographer and model, did you? I know you wanted me the first time you smiled at me."
"I was grateful for the tissues you handed me!"
"Tissues? Grateful? Boy, you shouldn't feel grateful for such menial things in life. You should be grateful for things like this..."
Ricky leaned over and before Seamus knew it, his lips were on his. As Ricky tried to slip his tongue into Seamus's mouth, he moved his hands downwards towards Seamus's infamous crotch.

Seamus was in shock. This was bringing back dark memories from the past that he had tried to bury. But it was all coming back now. The ropes. The angry faces. The pain. Soon Seamus was screaming so loudly, but he didn't even recognise whose voice it was. Then the darkness overcame him.

Has Seamus turned into the Incredible Hulk? What happens during the interviews next week? Who and what are part of the Airco Magazine? Find Out Next Week!

Chapter Three : The Best Day of Joanne's Life

Thu, 06 Nov 2003 08:40:45 GMT

[What do you get when you mix teenage hormones, a KTM station, Topshop and a dodgily named restaurant? A sprinkling of silverware, that's what. Read On.]

They had agreed to meet at 9:30am.

It was already 10:30am, and Joanne was still not around. If there was one thing that Seamus, Choong Leeng and Benedict hated in a person, it was tardiness. The three of them were really anal retentive about that. Seamus was so bored at the KTM station that he was beginning to hump the concrete seats slightly. The longer Joanne took, the more antsy Seamus got. Soon he was in a wild frenzy, stroking the chair with his hips madly. When he looked up, there was a huge crowd of interested perverts surrounding him, watching him act out his sexual fantasies.

"What? I had an itch there, ok."

Meanwhile, Joanne was not sleeping blissfully at home, unlike what the trio suspected. In fact, she had gotten up EXTRA early that day, just to get ready for her big day out with Seamus. She had a long, luxurious shower... she had bought a new outfit just to show them, and she was just about to do her hair and make-up when she realised... the eternal nightmare of every teenage girl about to go on a date ...

FIVE PIMPLES HAD SPROUTED OVER HER FACE OVERNIGHT!!!!

She was almost hysterical. After crying for a good ten minutes, she peeked into the mirror, hoping that the tears had cleared her eyes, and maybe the reflection earlier was a mere mirage. To her horror, it was still there. And they looked as pink, rotund and disgusting as ever. Joanne had always had a bad time with her skin, so the extra 5 pimples, on a background of pitted holes and scars was like the final garnishing on a really unappetising dessert.

Taking a sterilised needle, she held it carefully in her hand while she attempted to stab the pimple to oblivion. Just as she was about to prod out the disgusting contents, her phone rang, causing her to nearly put the needle through her eye. She swore, put the needle down and checked the phone. Seamus. She *did* contemplate returning his call, but just as she was about to, she remembered what her mother once told her. Play hard-to-get. Guys love the thrill of the chase. Smirking, she let the phone continue ringing. When it stopped, she picked up her needle, aimed it at the offending object and was just about to give it a go when ... the phone rang again. This time, it was from Benedict. This continued for the next one and a half hours, with calls coming in from Benedict, Seamus and Choong Leeng. Finally, Joanne gave up, decided to just cake on some foundation with the kitchen spatula and leave for the KTM station. After all, her foundation-applying skills were second to none (ok, maybe IT the clown did it better).

"Mommyyyyyy... that girl is scary... she's dressed like a clown!"
"Look! Geisha!"
"Is that the Phantom of the Opera's better half?"
Joanne did not understand the remarks that people were making that day. Everytime she turned around to check out who people were bitching about, and she never saw anyone who fit the descriptions being hurled about. She knew they weren't talking about her. After all, her super-sexy, low cut, Oriental-style Topshop blouse and tight-fitting jeans were just-off-the-catalogue hot. She knew she would have to impress Seamus and Benedict today.

"Argghh... there she is. What the hell did she do to her face?" Seamus whispered to Ben.
"I don't know. Hee hee. Hee hee. It's so obvious that she likes you. Good luck today, suckah!"
"You're helping me right? I mean... you can't leave me to the dogs like this..."
"How can I help you? I don't even know Joanne very well."
"Choong Leeng's fault. Totally Choong Leeng's fault. Can't she choose more friends like us? Grr."

Despite the beginning hiccup, they managed to get to KLCC as planned. They were famished by the time they had arrived, and they crawled to Rain Nudle House. They knew that the prices would be astronomical, but somehow money never seems to be a problem when compared to impending gastritis. Once they arrived, Seamus sat in a corner, and dragged Benedict to the seat next to his. In a tackling performance that would have made the New Zealand All Blacks proud, Joanne managed to fling Benedict over to another seat, and settled herself firmly next to Seamus. As she sat purring next to him, Seamus tried his best to be nonchalant, and chatted with Choong Leeng and Benedict more. Choong Leeng noticed that Joanne looked a bit left out, so she tried to get her involved in the conversation. In fact, Joanne looked so left out that her eyes seemed to be glazed over and she was drooling from the corner of her mouth.

What Choong Leeng didn't know was that Joanne wasn't bored to tears, but in reality, she was enthralled by the sight of Seamus's splayed legs. Seamus always sat like that, but Joanne was convinced that the overtly lewd display was due to an enormous package that would make sitting with his legs shut extremely uncomfortable. She HAD to get a closer look... but how?

Spying the silverware on the table, she pulled her napkin down with a swift move, causing the fork to jerk off the table and land squarely between Seamus's legs. "Oh don't trouble yourself, I'll get that myself!" said Joanne.
"What?" said Seamus, who wasn't even aware that Joanne had sprung cutlery between his legs.

Underneath the table, Joanne could see right between Seamus's legs. She was starting to get all hot and bothered. And she kept going "Wow. Wow." Seamus, who was wearing khakis that day, started to feel a draft between his legs. Time to close shop. He snapped his legs shut, causing the fork to get trapped between his shoes. Joanne instantly began tugging away at the fork (plus, it gave her a chance to "brush" against his legs. Seamus realised the commotion down below, and when he looked down and saw Joanne, he sprang backwards, causing Joanne to fall backwards, and right in between Benedict's knees.

And from that seated position, sitting down, and looking up... it was love at first sight. Benedict had never looked so beautiful before.

* * * * *

"Hahhaa... thanks for getting rid of that Pancake Face for me."

Seamus, Choong Leeng and Benedict were resting by the poolside of their condominium, after a stressful day.

"Hey, the best part of the entire day was watching Mami Jarum II. That's the only time when she shut up. The rest of the day was 'Ben, walk next to me!', 'Ben, do you think I'm pretty' and 'Ben, I like your butt'. What the fuckkkkkk!" Ben was screaming on top of his lungs by now. "You know, I always said I wanted to find a chick once I arrive at Moonway College, but I guess I'll settle for a hot chicken in Setapak Curry House instead."

"Now you agree with me on Setapak Curry House. The waiters there are great. They always give me extra food, and they give me amazing discounts. The only thing wrong with the place is that the waiters like to hover over me when I'm eating. Anyway, I forgot to thank Choong Leeng. She totally redeemed herself in my eyes by pretending to get her period so that we would be able to get rid of Joanne."

The three of them had a group hug, but somehow Benedict was still unsatisfied over how the entire day turned out. He had had a nice time laughing at Seamus trying to get rid of Joanne the Barnacle, but she ended up leeching onto him. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

What happens when the trio attend their first class in Moonway College? What is this AIRCO magazine that everyone keeps talking about? Whoever will they meet next? Find out, in the next episode!

Chapter Two: Being Friendly

Wed, 05 Nov 2003 18:41:56 GMT

[Real life does creep into everything:

T: We observed S subtly humping the chair while reading Chapter 2 on my laptop. Needs to be seen to be believed. Will demonstrate (B) later.

B: Your writing arouses him. I'm stunned. *dies*

T: So therefore, Ms. J's eyes are drawn to Seamus's nether regions because he humps the table / leaning seductively against the wall in his usual crotch-baring manner.

B: I'm embarassed. I'm going to put my head into the punch bowl.]

"And remember... whatever you do... you better be friendly to people! You ar... with that Romeo face of yours... people will think you're action. And because we're friends with you, then people will think that we are action also. So you better smile!"

Choong Leeng's words were still echoing in Seamus's mind when the three of them entered the multipurpose hall for Moonway College. They were about to attend some kind of get-together / mixer for the year. Choong Leeng had been pretty adamant about attending the event, as she felt it would be weird if she was doomed to spend the rest of her life in Moonway with Seamus and Benedict. They were okay guys, but if you were looking for lurve like she was, then you wouldn't want to deter potential suitors by hanging around guys all the time. And *shock*horror* they might think that Ben and Seamus were her boyfriends. No, no, that would never do. Seamus wasn't really into the whole "getting to know more people" deal, but he agreed that one would not be able to survive 2 years in college without talking to their peers. Benedict was as psyched as Choong Leeng though. He knew that it was the perfect opportunity to meet new girls. He had spent over an hour spiking up his hair to perfect stalagtite shapes and spraying Aramis Life all over his body. Who knows, maybe someone might have to smell the back of his knees, you could never be too sure.

Inside the hall, Choong Leeng spotted a bunch of her friends from class who she got to know earlier in the day. With a frantic wave and a "I'll be back later!" to Seamus and Benedict, she had infiltrated the group of girls, leaving Seamus and Ben alone in the hall.

"Well, this sucks. I want to go home," moaned Seamus.
"Nooooo... can we wait until food is served at least? I don't want to waste the RM10 we paid for this crap. And damn, there are no chicks around also," replied Ben.
"I rather go eat at Setapak Curry House. I want to eat their curry chicken. Plus, the waiters there are nice and friendly."
"We'll go there for dinner tonight ok? Now how come Choong Leeng is surrounded by girls and we're not? What are we doing wrong?"
"Eeh, I wouldn't want to be surrounded by the girls that are surrounding Choong Leeng."

The two boys nudged each other and laughed deviously.

"Okay, I know what we're doing wrong," said Seamus. "We didn't smile. That's Choong Leeng's secret weapon. She told me this morning that we should smile if we want to meet new people."
"Aahah!! Then we must smile."

The two of them stood by the punch bowl and smiled cornily at whoever had passed by. A few people avoided the punch bowl after that, but one brave girl approached them. She had been taken in by Seamus's stance... it really drew one's eye to his nether regions. She supposed that she would have to ignore that grisly smile of his to speak to him. Her name? Joanne Ling.

"Ahaks... excuse me... could you please pour me a drink?" *flutter eyelashes wildly while letting bra strap slip down, ever so slightly*
"Err... you're speaking to me?" said Seamus, taken aback.
"Hiaks... of course I'm speaking to you," she replied, while punching him in the stomach playfully. "I'm really parched...." She stroked her throat seductively while winking at Seamus.

"We'll BOTH get you a drink!" said Seamus, while he grabbed Benedict and turned him around, their backs facing Joanne.

"You go get her a drink," said Seamus firmly.
"Me? Why me? She asked you!" squealed Benedict.
"I cannot look at her. If I look at her, I think I will die. Plus, it's really all your fault that we're here. I just said that we should eat at Setapak Curry House, remember? Anyway, save me. Otherwise, I'll have to tell her that I'm gay. And you'll have to pretend to be my gay partner."

Benedict was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Seamus always got his way with that gay threat. Maybe Seamus was confident enough of his sexuality to make up nonsense like this, but Benedict had a history of attracting the wrong type of people. He didn't need a repetition of this in Moonway. Filling up a small, plastic cup with the horribly dyed red liquid, he handed it to Joanne, still smiling cheesily. "There you go," he said.

Now this one was another potential for Joanne! Hrmm... although Seamus caught her eye, this guy with the spiky hair and GQ-esque clothes was a darn good catch as well. However, she was sure that Seamus and her already had something going on. He was totally flirting with her! "Hey guys," said Joanne. "Since we're such great friends now... why don't we all go to KLCC together on Saturday? It'll be fun! And I'll let you guys buy me lunch, take me out to a movie and buy me ice-cream! It'll be sooooooooooo cool!"

Who was she kidding? Which absolute moron, half-brained, witless git would want to even BEFRIEND her? They were just about to give her the big heave-ho when Choong Leeng finally made her way back to them. When Choong Leeng saw Joanne talking to Benedict and Seamus, she beamed and said, "Hey!!! I'm so glad that you guys got to meet Joanne! She's my bestest buddy! Did she tell you about the outing that we've planned for this Saturday?"

Obviously there was an absolute moron, half-brained witless git after all. And Seamus and Benedict were lucky enough to have her as their friend. A beautiful Saturday was about to be wasted.

What happens next Saturday? Will Joanne manage to seduce Seamus? Will Ben finally meet a girl? Is Choong Leeng really an absolute moron, half-brained witless git? Find out in our next episode!

Chapter One: Meeting Each Other

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 08:43:12 GMT

[Homoerotic Entries of the Third Kind is proud to present the esteemed and on-going work of ioogleguys: Forbidden Blue Durian]

Chapter One: Meeting Each Other

~~It was a cold stormy night.~~

Nah, it was actually a normal, sunny day in June when our protagonists met each other. Since they'll be featured prominently in the next few chapters (well, for the rest of this novel, actually), I'll introduce them to you now.

Seamus Lim Pay Shaun
Seamus was an enigma to everyone who knew him. His chiselled good looks set hearts a flutter ever since he stepped into Moonway College. I would dub him "Adonis" in this novel, but since he's chinese and I'm an Ah Lian, I'll call him "Ah Don". Many a person had enquired to Seamus: "Have you ever had a girlfriend?", and with a seductive shake of his head he would just give a slightly sad smile and walk away. It's not like he didn't have his fair share of admirers, he was smart (in fact, all 3 of our protagonists are scholarship holders) as well... it's just that he didn't warm up to girls easily, so most of them were too intimidated to even talk to him, much less ask him out. What had happened to Seamus that caused him to push away love? Find out more!

Chew Choong Leeng
Choong Leeng was one of those "happening" girls in college who managed to juggle between her studies and having fun. She was known for dying her hair outrageous shades (it was currently bottle blonde) and going out late at night for "midnight adventures" with her "zhi mui" (that would be 'sistas' for you). She was also a sports fanatic, which caused Benedict and Seamus to call her masculine. Maybe they were jealous of her because she attracted more girls than the two of them added together. Not that that was something that made her happy, she just wanted to find love. *sniff* She did all that she could to find the man of her dreams, will she be able to find it in Moonway College? Find out more.

Benedict Neo En Zheng
"Baby Dick", "Bend a Dick"... he had many nicknames which were derogatory, but like Seamus and Choong Leeng he was part of the "hip" crowd in Moonway College. Even the fiercest girl in Moonway College (Igene Chee Go Lem) would melt whenever he gave her one of his smiles. Among the three of them, Benedict was the one who had the most admirers. Girls were just one step short from hanging around his apartment (he shares an apartment with Seamus) and snapping photos of him in his boxers when he had just awoken from his sleep. However, all his love endeavours never amount to anything because unbeknownst to him, he had the most succubus-like, freaky, super-duper love-lorn admirer. Will Ben ever find out the identity of his admirer, or will he continue to think that he's merely very unlucky in love? Find out more!

Well, that's all for today. Tomorrow, we will continue to chronicle their love lives and college life. Plus, we'll meet more characters! Yippie!

Sun, 02 Nov 2003 14:41:23 GMT

Sean and Chiau Ling... are the two of you even here? I had to add bluedurian to the list by myself... if you two don't take care of this journal, I'm going to write homoerotic entries here.... grrr....

+Leech+